Figured out reasons for my sleep deprivation...

...and infant reflux can, again, fuck right the fuck off. My baby girl has developed it. I don't like watching my kids squirm in pain--and it's worse because this one whimpers, but doesn't cry. Hopefully, she'll be able to tolerate the Ranitidine ($27) so we don't have to put her on Prevacid ($175 for a newborn infant's 'scrip).

Update: I almost forgot--Have a happy National Hangover Day tomorrow.

Merry Christmas, and God bless you all.

I may dread Christmas, but that's because of the obligatory family visits when I don't particularly like my family--and when the members I don't like won't refrain from picking fights. I am a Christian, and I'm incredibly grateful for the reason behind the celebration.

That said, last week my other half and I were leaving a store, and dropped some money into a Salvation Army bucket. The kid (12 or so) manning the bell wished us "Happy Holidays."

Say what, now?

I thought the Salvation Army was a Christian organization. I thought all bell ringers wished everyone a Merry (or blessed, or some such) Christmas. I did NOT expect to have more politically correct monkey crap thrown at me by a Salvation Army bell ringer.

Political correctness, and those who are offended by mere mentions of anything to do with Christianity can FTFO. With those pointy, fragile glass Christmas tree ornaments dipped in all the various holiday dips.

Not much, but it's a doozy.

Sleep deprivation can fuck off. So can my brain's inexplicable refusal to shut down enough to let me nap when both little ones are sleeping.

Thank God that the baby has already decided to sleep for one five hour stretch most nights, and that the toddler still sleeps 12 hour nights.

At least this time, I got to bring the baby home.

So no, there's nothing but a huge FUCK YEAH! there. The darling little dumpling decided four weeks early was long enough, and arrived last Saturday. Her big brother adores her.

Politics in general and life-long politicians in general (*cough* Charlie Rangel *cough*) can definitely fuck off. Said asswipe is an excellent argument for term limits adding up to no more than twelve years for either House or Senate.

The entitlement mentality rampant amongst the American population can definitely fuck off. So can those that display it, like my student who plagiarized--badly--and then had the guts to tell me that she didn't mean to do it, had a whole list of books in the library she "looked at," would create a works cited page, and "didn't deserve to fail."

That, and she'd tried to go to my department head before even trying to communicate with me about it, makes me wonder if the next thing she's going to play is the race card. It also makes me wonder if, somewhere, there's a class teaching these entitled twatwaffles how to get around societal and educational rules.

Yes, I'm a little bitter. I happen to be teaching the next generation of Rangels, only with fewer brains and qualifications, and there's nothing I can do about it but be glad there's no way this particular twit can pass, even if she does do what I told her to do to get out of the plagiarism issue.

Season's beatings

Every year, it seems, one more locally placed Nativity scene is removed; one more Christmas tree becomes a Holiday tree or Winter Festival tree. Every year, we're supposed to be a little more afraid of offending someone by wishing them a Merry Christmas as we check out at the stores, or as we (in academia) leave for Christmas Break (whups! sorry! "Winter Break"). Political correctness, which seems to permit freedom of expression for all who aren't practicing Christians can fuck right the fuck off.

So can the killjoys that like to get to happy people by cutting "I hate Christmas" declarations. I might dislike celebrating the holiday with my family, but that's because of my family, not the holiday, and I try very hard not to ruin it for all. Those who are rude and self-centered enough to enjoy trying to ruin others' Christmas spirit can fuck right the fucking fuckety fuck off with those thin, pointy, glass Christmas baubles filled with high-proof eggnog.

On a more personal note, sinus headaches that devolve into migraines when you can't take anything besides Tylenol (and when coffee makes you sick) can also fuck off.

Have at it, and have a good weekend.

The TSA, and reactivity vs. proactivity

I don't oppose increased security on airlines. I haven't opposed such since September 2001.

I do, however, think the TSA and Homeland Security can fuck the fucking fuckety fuck off with bells on, and jagged glass knobs dipped in habanero nacho cheez. I have no clue how they can justify groping or strip searching little kids, or breaking cancer survivors' urine bags, or having people arrested for opting to leave instead of having their "junk" touched--especially as none of those individuals are likely to be a terrorist.

As for the individuals that are likely to be terrorists...well, Homeland Security tends to bend over backwards hard enough to have their heads up their asses just to avoid offending them because of "racial sensitivity."

Which can also fuck off.

This is bad year round--it just happens to get highlighted by holiday travel.

My nerves.

Specifically, the sciatic nerve that runs from my heel up to my butt, can fuck right off. Especially as I can't afford to go get that treated.

Your turn.

Because I can empathize...

...this one is for Ricki.

Students who do none of the work, and won't show up for lecture, but come in in the last month or so of class whining about how badly they need to pass the class and begging for extra credit can fuck right the fuck off. So can the Department of Education and incompetent individual K-12 administrations that have taught said students that that behavior is perfectly acceptable by not permitting classroom teachers to fail students who haven't done the work with the 0% they've earned.

Heathens of all ages above three who won't respect rules in classrooms or libraries, or behave themselves in public (stores, restaurants, etc) can fuck right off, too. And so can the parents who permit, enable, or ignore such behavior--in fact, the parents can fuck off harder with a rusty chainsaw for not loving their kids enough to teach them to be human.

I'm sure there's some equivalent in the corporate world, but since I've always lived in academia, I have no clue what it might be.

Have a good weekend, y'all.

Ding, dong, the witch is dead!

A great big FUCK YEAH! to Nancy Pelosi losing the Speaker of the House position. And to all of the people who voted last Tuesday, whichever party they voted for. From what I've read, that was a record turnout for a midterm election.

Have a great weekend, everyone.

I got nothing.

I've been ignoring the news--too depressing. Other than that, all I've got are the standard complaints.

The floor is yours.

Gah.

The last stages of carrying my daughter are not fun. The constant, nagging aches, lingering nausea, and inability to sleep can fuck right off. So can the fear that she won't be any more patient than her brother, and decide to come early enough to not be able to come home when I do. So can work stress.

On top of all of that, my university is trying to take class autonomy away from online professors. They're saying that they want to make the online classes more uniform, and that all we have to do is come up with a department wide syllabus, a schedule of what we want to teach, and send it and any handouts to them, and they'll design the course for us.

That may be all well and good for new profs that have never taught online before, but I have. I've been teaching online for two years, and my department head says I'm the department's best online teacher (I tend to revise and rework what doesn't work for the students on a weekly basis). I do not need someone taking my class away from me because others won't bother to fix what's wrong with their course.

So, my last FFO is this: glorified technology administrators that have delusions of adequacy and feel the need to prove that they're more than glorified technology administrators can definitely fuck off. Hell, I'll even help them pull their heads out of their asses so that they can.

I don't need this shit. If that goes through, I may not be teaching next fall. Which will suck in many, many ways--beyond losing the money, I'll be losing the a job that I truly love doing.

Bureaucratic BS

I've been notified that I have to log into my university account and enter midterm grades. This, regardless of the fact that my students can log onto their distance learning account in the class platform and look at their grades. They know approximately what their grades are. The university really doesn't need to know, and indeed, I'm not sure that doesn't violate the privacy laws in my state.

Bureaucratic bs that serves no purpose but making more work for those who actually, you know, do the actual work in whatever company, university, or organization, can fuck right the fuck off.

Getting behind in grading can also fuck off.

Not much this week.

Beyond the fact that the imp has started suddenly refusing to eat anything but Cream 'o Wheat, yogurt, apple sauce, or french fries, it's been a pretty good week. At least, it has for me.

Have at it.

Sorry.

Caught cold. Lost track of days.

This guy can fuck off. With a shattered baseball bat.

Food nannies

Food nannies can fuck right the fuck off. Especially those that focus on ruining children's happiness by taking away chocolate milk.

Might as well tell them that all the school breaks are canceled for the foreseeable future.

Urgh.

First papers of the semester are coming in today. So are the week's blogs from the classes I'm teaching. Being swamped under grading (or paperwork, or Friday meetings for those of you who work outside academia), can fuck right off with a ten-foot pole topped by a dozen knobs dripping with habanero nacho cheez sauce.

Teething.

There were a lot of little things that really got on my tits, this week. The worst one was the teething pains that turned my happy, cheerful, funny little imp into a typical two-year-old little shit. So the teething thing can fuck off. Especially with the four last back teeth that also seem to make his ears hurt, and make him unwilling to eat.

Carrying a baby low can also fuck off. Baby girl sitting in pelvic girdle + pregnant hormones loosening ligaments and tendons = some major hip/pelvic pain. Which also makes my back hurt, and makes the above-mentioned teething problems harder to tolerate without screaming.

And being pregnant means I can't end the worst days with a large, neat Scotch.

Update: I almost forgot--Islamofacism can also fuck off, because of what they did nine years ago, and because of what they'd love to do tomorrow on that anniversary. And because of the victory center they want to build in NYC.

One hell of a week.

That's my only excuse for having forgotten that it was Friday: I'm fried.

Administration and bureaucracy

You know, the idiot conjoined twin concepts that share a brain and think they know everything needed to run something. Yeah. Those can fuck off. With Cheez in a spray can.

First problem: one of my classes didn't "make." (Actually, if admin had permitted my department head to do what he wanted, they both would have.) Ten students per section is the minimum, and I had nine students in one section, eleven in the other. All they would have had to do was shift one student into the section with nine, and they told my department to shift the nine students into the other section and yank one.

Granted, I understand on one level: I'm paid by the section, and that would have saved the college the pay on the other. I'm sure nearly $2000 is a huge chunk of the budget on the level they're playing with.

On the other...well...that cuts my pay in half, and I didn't find out until the day classes started.

(At least it left me free to help my department head fix a clerical problem--one of my part-time colleagues was double-booked, so I took one of her 8:00 a.m. TTh classes, and shifted it online--er, Blackboard enhanced it. I'll be on campus two days a week, and they'll be in class. Really. We're not cheating the asshats in the admin of $150 extra in fees for 27 students. I promise.)

Second problem: I have access to one of my rosters. Today. Next week, because admin kept postponing my contract because of the "We don't know if both your sections will make" issue, I'll be deemed no longer working for the university, and won't have access to either my rosters or my pay information (though that last matters less--I won't get paid until the last day of September).

So yeah, admin and bureaucracy can fuck off with the plastic nozzles of their cans of Cheez crammed so far up their ass that the nozzle's are at eye level.

Have a good weekend.

Nearly nothin'

All I've got this week pissing me off is the continuing, nearly constant low-grade nausea. I'm in too good of a mood--the ultrasound was yesterday, and we found out we're having a girl!

Have a good weekend, everyone.

Bureaucracy

The way my job has their computer systems set up, I'm going to have a damn hard time doing everything they want me to do for the first two or so weeks.

I have to sign a new contract every semester. My contract is kind of up in the air right now, because no one is sure both my classes will make (which will be a fuck-off all of it's own, if one doesn't--they'll fold all of my students into one class, and drop the other, which halves my pitiful paycheck). Without that contract being in HR's hands, they'll kick me off of the system. Right on the first day of the semester. Which means that now, with the way they've got things set up, I won't be able to access my official roster to tell my students that they aren't officially enrolled, and they need to fix that (for at least another month while they get that fixed).

That can fuck right the fucking fuckety fuck off. So can the sleazebag that decided on the new system four years ago that we didn't have the hardware to pull off. We've got one more year before our hardware will be totally upgraded to properly run the software.

Another thing that can fuck right off is that I'm not going to be getting paid until the end of September. Yep, I'll be working for six weeks before I see my first paycheck. Which is likely to be half of what it was last semester. That implemented with the new computer system: "It's too hard to change the computer system to deposit your paycheck with everyone else's--even if we get your contract before the end of the previous semester."

Sounds to me like the bitch running human resources is just making a power play over the part-time faculty because she can't with the full-time faculty, or with the upper administration.

And she can fuck off with a rusty-razor-wire wrapped cracked glass dildo as big as her inflated ego.

The Clinton appointee in AZ can Fuck Off.

Arizona's law paralleled federal law. It forbade law enforcement officers from pulling people over just because they were Mexican--they had to be doing something else (like speeding, or doing a drug deal) before cops could ask them to prove they were there legally.

A judge in Arizona gutted the law the people asked for, the legislature passed, and the governor signed to sandbag the flood of criminals in their state.

They've had to close many of their parks because it's too dangerous for American citizens. And that stupid bitch won't let the state protect its citizens by making federal law applicable on the state level, because it interferes with federal (non) enforcement of immigration law.

Liberal Clinton-appointed bitch of a non-judgmental judge can fuck off with a double cracked glass dildo powered by a saber-saw, and lubed with rancid habanero nacho cheeze sauce.

A few bad choices on your part do not constitute an emergency on mine.

Students who do not one lick of work after the first week, but e-mail once or twice begging me to tell them what to do to not fail can fuck off. Especially when I answered the first time (turn in the papers, do the blogs, and don't fall behind again), and the second time was the last fucking week of class.

Some people aren't suited to college. And some aren't suited to taking online classes.

Specialists

I've noticed in both the academic field and the medical field that there is a bias against generalists. In the small university where I teach, most of the newer faculty in my department are not only specialists, but really narrow specialists that pat me on the head (figuratively--if they did it literally, they'd lose a hand), and tell me to run along because I can't be as smart as they are because I'm a generalist.

Umm...I'm not the one that limits my students' writing topics to my narrow interests because "nobody can understand every topic a student might write about." I may not understand the sports stuff, but I can Google it. As for all of the other possible topics, well, I've got a good, solid, basic understanding of everything else my students have ever written about.

Enough of that though: the real irritation I've got this week is with doctors. My prenatal caregiver is a nurse midwife. She's competent, and I like her quite a bit. But when my blood tests came back with my thyroid abnormally low--like .15 points lower than the bottom of the scale low--she didn't feel comfortable prescribing me anything for it, or sending me anywhere but to a specialist.

Said specialist said I was okay to wait until November.

Look. I'm one of the dream(or nightmare) patients that look up and research everything about their own health. I know that a low thyroid can cause problems for me while I'm pregnant (beyond just being so tired my hair hurts), AND WORSE ONES FOR MY UNBORN BABY. It is unacceptable to not fix that NOW.

So, I called my GP (who my midwife was uncomfortable sending me to, because she's a generalist) at 4:30 on Tuesday. And told her receptionist what was wrong, and that I felt awful. My generalist got me in the next morning, and gave me a prescription that I could feel clearing my foggy brain as early as an hour after I took my first dose.

I won't say specialists can fuck off, but I will say their attitude that generalists aren't as smart or as good for most purposes can.

Unprepared students

I've been teaching a composition class this summer. I usually don't teach during the summer, but I've come to a realization that there's a sharp dichotomy between the types of students that have signed up for my class: some are really good, and some are really not.

When I say really not, I mean they're so computer illiterate that they don't know how to double-space their papers in Microsoft Word. They create a new blog for each assigned blog post. They don't understand how to use the class platform website. They don't read the textbook I put together for them that explains how to do all of that, and don't read the instructions on any of the assignments.

And they whine to me about being unable to meet even my minimal expectations when they get an F.

I'm not saying my students can fuck off (even though I'd love to tell some of them that). It's not entirely their fault that they're so stupid. No, the ones that ought to fuck off are the ones that told them that they're capable of college level work when they're obviously not smart enough to do college level work.

The flo9r is yours.

I got nothin'.

This weekend is looking pretty good. Yes, I still have papers to grade, but I refuse to think about them. My other half and I will be getting some range time this weekend to celebrate being married for six years.

The floor is yours.

The administration

For the sake of the country, the economy, and our future generations, the current administration and most congresscritters can fuck off.

That is all.

Miscarriages

No, not me. A good friend of mine and his fiance lost theirs.

Anything that makes a strong man that I look up to as a big brother cry like that, can fuck off all the way to hell.

For those of you who pray, keep my friends in your prayers.

"Hazing" can fuck right off.

I heard on the radio this morning, that a neighboring university (our main rival) has had an issue with hazing in one of their football camps. A really nasty issue with hazing that involved sexual abuse.

Hazing, and those that participate in it as tormentors, can fuck right the fuck off. No one deserves that kind of treatment.

It's all yours. Have a good weekend.

Helen Thomas can fuck off.

Seriously, bitch: telling Israeli Jews that they need to go back home to Germany and Poland? Yeah, that can really fuck off.

Just because the ovens have been dismantled doesn't mean they won't be rebuilt. Most of Europe still carries the same anti-Semitism, as much due to the permissive/non-inclusive attitude toward their immigrants from countries that hate Jews even more than Hitler did.

It's all yours. Have a good weekend.

"Improvement" that isn't can fuck off.

The university where I teach has recently "upgraded" the online class software. That "upgrade" involved making the platform more complicated, and take longer for the screens and content to load.

It also made changing the way the class is set up a lot more time and labor intensive.

So, "upgrades" and "improvements" that make things worse--and the faculty and administration that pushes it through without checking it out--can fuck right the fuck off.

Your turn. Have a great weekend.

Blood tests

I had my first prenatal appointment on Wednesday. They needed to have drawn about four vials of blood, but could not find a vein. Not in either elbow, wrist, or hand. So I have to go back today for them to try again.

So, blood tests can fuck off. My tiny, fragile veins that make drawing my blood extremely difficult can fuck off. So can the knowledge that they're going to have to poke me in four or five places to get enough for the tests. I hate needles.

The floor is yours. Bitch away.

One of each, today.

First, a big FUCK YEAH! to the rat that photobombed Obama. See below:


...and my brain can fuck off for coming up with too many smart-ass remarks to get one out.

Second, the President of Mexico can FUCK right the FUCKING FUCKETY FUCK off for FUCKING HAVING THE FUCKING GUTS TO FUCKING castigate us for Arizona's new immigration law. You FUCKING HYPOCRITICAL FUCKING ASS-BITING FUCKING RANCID FUCKING DISEASED COCK-LEAK! Mexico's immigration laws are far more harsh, AND are far more strictly enforced, AND YOU FUCKING DARE FUCKING TELL US THAT OUR FUCKING LAWS ARE TOO FUCKING HARSH?!! FUCKING CHANGE YOURS BEFORE YOU FUCKING GET THE FUCKING ETHOS TO FUCKING CRITICIZE OURS!

And Dear Leader can fuck off for joining in the dog-pile on his own country.

May the two of them be ass-plowed by the First Wookie driving a bio-diesel up-armored Humvee. May all of the criminal aliens in the United States stampede over the both of them on their way to claim the amnesty you want to grant them.

And may the both of them rot in hell together for what they're trying to do to this country. Especially the one that was elected president of this country.

Take it away. Have a good weekend.

For Ricki

Passive-aggressive student bullies that try to guilt you into raising their grade, giving them extra credit work, or letting them redo something that you said they couldn't--especially at the end of the semester when you're trying to get caught up with grading--can fuck right the fucking fuck off.

Push-over colleagues that teach them that that's acceptable behavior that works can fuck off with rusted-nail-studded knobs dipped in rancid habanero nacho cheeze.

Thank God I teach online, and don't have to deal with such.

Ann Arbor's elementary principal can fuck off.

You don't close an achievement gap by taking black kids on a field trip that white kids don't get to go on.

He says, “The intent of our field trip was not to segregate or exclude students as has been reported, but rather to address the societal issues, roadblocks and challenges that our African American children will face as they pursue a successful academic education here in our community.”

Listen, fucktard: if you try to close the gap by making one set of kids dumber, your whole school falls behind. Like it or not, the culture that your black kids come from stigmatizes working hard and getting good grades as acting white. If you really want to close the achievement gap, work on that attitude first.

It's all yours.

Eurg.

The absolute exhaustion and all-day morning sickness I've been feeling can fuck right off.

It's all yours. Have a good weekend.

Umm...hi.

I offered to help Ken & Emily out from time to time, when they got really busy. So, here goes...

That suburban Philadelphia school district that used school issue laptops to spy on their students can fuck the hell off with the legal briefs being filed against them dipped in rancid habanero nacho cheez sauce. Using the built-in webcam to take pictures of students in their home is invasion of privacy at best, and child pornography at worst. No, it isn't "cool," it isn't your own little private soap opera. I hope investigators find naked pictures of some of your under-18 students, and the lawsuit turns into prosecution that snares all of the admin and the teachers that have been enjoying abusing the anti-theft software.

On a more personal note, my university's administration can fuck the fucking fuck right off with a half rotted fence post wrapped in barbed wire and dipped in newly-fertilized field mud. Over the past ten years, we've gone from a highly-regarded state college to a really bottom-tier university. We weren't ready for that change, haven't improved to the level students expect from a university, and are, quite frankly, a joke. And if that isn't wonderful enough, it looks like my school has been badly enough mismanaged that we're in danger of being kicked back to junior college status.

Look, you stupid fuckleheads: it took forty years to go from a brand new two-year to a well-regarded one to a brand new four-year state college. It took a further twenty-five years to go from brand new to a well-regarded four year college. We weren't ready for university status. We didn't have any programs in place or ready to be put in place. We didn't have the money. We didn't have the library (and, since that was the first place for budget cuts, the library is now worse than it was when I was a student there).

I'd go into more, but...I don't want to give enough info for my school to be identified and have word get back.

Take it away, and have a good weekend.

Late again

Well fuck off to me. And to late afternoon meetings that go overtime. Chime in if you not too pissed off at me.

JEEBUS!!!!

We've missed it for two weeks????

Good golly gravy.

Well fuck off to losing track of time.

Thanks For Nothing

Passive-aggressive, ridiculously conditional "friends" can fuck off.

Other than that, I'm good. Get it out of your system and have a great weekend.

Late

Oops. Forgot again. Commence Friday Fuck Offing....

Did I forget again last week? Ugh.

Anyhoo...the stoplights in this town can fuck off for being all off-kilter. And closing off a chunk of L.A. two weeks before the Oscars can fuck off. Look, I want to protect our pretty people as much as the next guy. But come on....

Have at it.

Nothing

I got nothing. It's been an OK week for me. Go ahead, y'all.

Memory Hole

I can fuck off for completely forgetting last week's FFOT. Sorry 'bout that, folks. Feel free to make up for lost time with double the complaints.

The Whole Bloody Week

Can just fuck off. I'm ready for a Saturday.

How 'bout y'all?

OOPS!

Forgot it was Friday. The spammer who sends me 20 e-mails a day hawking Viagra can fuck off.

Sorry I was late. Take it away.

I can fuck off for following the whole Casey Johnson/Tila Tequila/Nicky Hilton-rescues-the-dogs saga. I mean, really. What is this? American culture bottoming out? I don't think I've seen a public scandal composed of so many useless, brain-dead people in my life. I can't stop watching it. It's pointless. It's stupid. It's....what we deserve after a decade of "reality" television.

I can also fuck off for what I'm about to write below. Feel free to second that motion if you find my thoughts distasteful, but...

Where did the notion that we're not supposed to speak ill of the dead originate, anyway? Two weeks ago, if I had called Casey Johnson (and yes, unfortunately, I'd heard of her before she died) a cokehead slut of a worthless, spoiled bint, everyone who knew who she was, with few exceptions, would have cheered me on. Now that she's dead, probably having ushered her own demise, I'm supposed to talk about tragedy and act like the minions of Satan swiped an angel from Earth. I know there are the feelings of the family to factor in - but in Johnson's case, we're talking about the enablers that turned her into the selfish, indulgent, incurious twit that only cared about money, parties and undeserved fame. You don't become a creature like that without a little help. This is a girl who got her first Gucci purse at the age of ten. Any sadness I feel for Casey Johnson's passing is only that she wasn't brought up to be a better person and that she arrived to adulthood in this ridiculous age where we award ill-behaved, self-absorbed, vapid shitstains for their idiotic and self-centered attitudes by making them famous. I'm not being naive, here. I know there's always been a seedy underbelly to the jet set and people who make the gossip pages, but never, ever before has it been flaunted so shamelessly until the last few years. "Hi! I'm stupid! I'm selfish! I think I'm awesome! I treat other people like crap! My biggest goal in life is to be drunk by eleven! I literally have no talent, little education, don't know who the Vice President of the United States is and think Nairobi is the name of an energy drink! Take my picture and put me on TV!"

Fuck. Go at it, ya'll. I've got a headache.

Good Riddance

2009 can fuck off, if only for the grief it brought so many people I care about.

But now it's 2010. Like that crap movie with Roy Scheider. But without Hellen Mirin's tits. Here's a big FUCK YEAH for all of us to have a great year that puts all that shit behind us. It's already starting out fantastic. I woke up next to a hot guy who made me coffee and the first thing I'm going to see on TV today is an outdoor hockey game. I've got nothing to tell off except last year.

But maybe you do, so, as usual, the forum is yours.