But with the way I feel this morning, whiskey can fuck off. And I can fuck off for being so amused by it last night that I feel like death this morning.
I hope you guys have something better.
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A place to vent your frustrations and, just maybe, feel a little better for having told them to FO. With Cheese.
31 comments:
Fuckwad idiot bureaucrats who organize a nationwide teleconference at nearly the last possible moment for this Monday, thereby fucking up my FOUR DAY weekend, can fuck off while taking a flying leap into a cheese spewing volcano on the moon. While wearing pink bunny slippers. Especially since I've been pestering the morons for WEEKS to set a frigging date.
I've decided to go into work only for this conference call. Prior to that, I'm going to the range, so that I'll be in the proper state of mind for the discussion.
TW: rantern. God, how appropriate.
Fuck off to the assholes who thought it was a brilliant idea to try to force gay marriage on California by way of a lawsuit, and to the judges who so stupidly acquiesced. I am well aware that Prop. 8 was already in the works before the decision was handed down, but the suit and decision helped generate a backlash that set it back for years.
OTOH, I do have to admit to a tiny bit of schadenfreude at the polls that suggest that the increased turnout by minority voters for Obama helped pass Prop. 8. Maybe this will help teach some people that identity politics is bad buisness.
The coworker who walked right past me as I waited in the doorway to his office to ask him a question can FOAD with the pedestal he's put himself on. Do you have any idea how it feels to know you're INVISIBLE? That I don't even show up on your radar even when you're blocking your path?? GAAAAH! You are the same coworker who won't even say "hello" when we pass in the hall. Some "manager" you are. I hope it's a nice view from up there.
Ken - and fuck the fucking people who had to turn out and riot over the damn thing. Yes, here in Los Angeles, we actually had Gay versus Mormon riots yesterday.
We have gone from constantly risking absurdity to defining it.
And living it.
Word verification: bucify* (to nail a cow to a cross?)
*Actually, it was bucifi but the joke worked better this way
Fuck off to all to those who are pulling this "Not my president" shit. These are usually the same people who were outraged by those who did it 8 years ago.
It doesn't matter who won. If you're an American, the person who was elected is your president. Get the fuck over it.
WV: subbesse - to elegantly slink to the lowest common denominator.
Word verification: ferbance.
I like to think of it as offensive behavior of some kind. "He had the ferbance to argue the matter in polite company."
Cullen - one of the things that's had me completely amused during this election cycle is watching people who went absolutely fucking looney during the two prior because Their Man didn't win, mocking everyone on the other side for behaving the exact same way they have for the last eight years. Neither side ir right, but they sure as hell are hypocritical.
These fucks who decide to put The Christmas music in stores the day after Halloween can fuck off....it's no wonder I'm out of the spirit by November 15th...
Tommy --- for serious. Three months of Christmas can fuck off. I don't mind the holiday and I know some people really enjoy themselves, but come on. Start December 1st and not a day before.
People who are attention-whores can FO. People who need to take every tangential moment and turn it into a giant anecdote about them, that takes 20 minutes to tell, can FO. People who cannot stay on topic during times when it's really, really important to stay on topic, can take a big flying trampoline fuck.
Look, I really really don't need to hear about how you "nearly died" from an appendectomy. I don't need to hear your giant family drama story. We are at a FUCKING BUSINESS MEETING. Please to shut up and let us conduct business.
ESPECIALLY because it is 8 pm, I've been working since 7 am, and I am really really fucking tired.
Gah. I hate being the only non-retired member of a group. Too damn many people forget how early 5 am comes.
(capcha word: exica. What I will be after I die.)
Ricki -- I have an aunt like that. Every topic, you name it, and she can manage to interrupt and turn it all into some personal anecdote about HER. I love my auntie and all, but come on, lady. You'renot the only person in the room.
Cullen, I third your FO. I don't like Obama, but he's the President. Period. Clinton was the President. God help us, Carter was the President. Obama has serious issues about him, but he won the election.
Unless the Constitution is violated, or laws are broken (and I want EVIDENCE, not trooferism, thankyouverymuch), whoever wins the election is the President.
Just don't expect me to swoon over The Mighty O!, though. I have my limits.
TW: kiess. Only with a lovely lady.
Foonwo.
Emily, I haven't had a hangover in a good, long-ass time... quite likely because I quit drinking entirely about two years ago. I couldn't take it anymore. You and I are the same fucking age, I think.
Now, when the server asks me if I'd like a cocktail, I say No, thank you, I have to be somewhere by Christmas. Because the fucking 48-hour hangovers and the fucking nuclear fallout can STILL fuck off with Alka-Seltzer, Excedrin, 7-Up, double-cheeseburgers, breakfast tacos, bile chunder, some hair of the dog's ass and a 12-hour nap.
I second Ken and Emily. The prop 8 assholes who beat people up and destroyed property in their protests weds. and yesterday can fuck off and die with rotten festering knobs of fungus-ridden liquid snot. You whiny bitches aren't going to win any friends with violence and stupidity. So you can take your fucking saul-alinsky-inspired protests and shove them up your collective ass. No, scratch that. Some of you pisshead twatwaffles might actually ENJOY shoving it up your ass.
Verification:affshol Heh. Almost asshole!
One thing that can do the opposite of F'ing off?
The Sprite I just bought out of the vendeteria. My sicky, PMS-ing tummy is very grateful for its carbonated, sugary, limey goodness.
I'm not a big pop fan and almost never drink it, but there are times that it's the only thing that settles my stomach.
(Slifixed: almost, but not quite, "Sprite fixed it.")
People who are JUST NOW "finally" proud to be American make me irrationally, blindingly angry and stabbity. GHISANIADEHNBIEFHxgges
... sorry, I was banging my head on the keyboard.
Speaking of keysmashing, my word is "watiodo." Watiodo? That sounds like the sort of name Japanese people come up with for Americans in anime. "Sure, Watiodo, that sounds Western, right? Jim, Bob, Lelouch, Watiodo..."
CTG - that's the thing that really bothered me. The anger and violence. How is that going to solve ANYthing? It just makes your position look irrational. By all means, protest. But do it with fucking dignity and with peace. Another fuck off goes out to all the people who are saying this is about "hate." Look, I'm totally on your side, but there's a far cry from believing homosexuality is a sin and being hateful about it. Hate is what happened to Matthew fucking Shepard, not what happened last Tuesday. I don't like it any more than any of those protestors, but that doesn't automatically give me a free pass to misbehave and break the law.
I'm frankly sick of that brand of person, and them come in all brands, sizes and causes. Anyone who thinks that just because a candidate they don't like has been elected or a law they don't agree with has been passed or whatever that means they get to throw a hissy fit, destroy property, be rude to other people, or just act like a jackass in general needs to grow the fuck up. Guess what, pookies? Believe it or not, there are people in the world who do not share your opinions. For those who spend so much time carping about "diversity," a lot of them sure do hate it when it actually confronts them in the face.
That guy in front of me today while I was out on my lunch hour can fuck the FUCK OFF. Dude, youre making a right turn with a grean FUCKING right turn arrow. It means FUCKING GO. FUCKING PRESS THE FUCKING ACCELERATOR AND FUCKING TURN THE WHEEL AND FUCKING TURN YOU FUCK COMPASS. the green arrow will not turn to avocado or emerald of khaki FUCKING GREEN. IT WILL STAY FIUCKING GREEN FUCKHEAD, MAKE THE FUCKING TUYRN AND STOP FUCKING INCHING FORWARD AND STOPPING. INCHING FORWARD AND STOPPING. INCHING FORWARD AND STOPPING. What the FUCK are you waiting for, FUCKING TUMBLEWEEDS TO ROLL ACROSS THE FUCKING STREET TO FUCKING PROVE NO FUCKING CARS ARE FUCKING COMING?
For FUCK's SAKE, WHAT A FUCKING ASSHOLE!
Val,
Even more frustrating are the bastards who don't go when there's a left turn arrow. I know a lot of intersections don't have them, so some people in places they aren't familiar might not be aware they're coming up on one, but how hard is it to see the green fucking arrow sitting right next to the red fucking one that you STOPPED FOR? And what in the hell, asshole. There's a reason why the ten cars behind you are honking their horns non-stop. Are you blind AND deaf? Pay FUCKING ATTENTION while you are driving.
this is GMT
FTFO to me, I left my lunch in the refrigerator. I have a lovely Pastrami and double cheese sandwich on garlic-cheese sourdough toast with a pickle and mustard just waiting for me... CTG, please don't eat it.
Fuck Compass? Val, I just spit all over my keyboard
WV:nolcat. Must be a cousin of the LolCat
GMT - hell, that sandwich sounds so damn good, I'm close to going to your house and eating it.
I love that people are so comfortable here that GMT can ask CTG not to eat his sandwich before he gets home.
My jacked-up hormonal system can FTFO. I should NOT go around all week thinking I have food poisoning because of something my stupid fucking fucked-up ovaries are doing. I should not discover, after three days of walking around thinking I've got a "stomach bug" that sugar and carbonation "cure" it. (And WTF is up with that?)
And it's totally wrong that my reproductive system can fuck with my digestive system that way. You ever heard of "division of labor," guys? I realize my ovaries are pissed off that they've never had the chance to contribute to putting a brat on this earth, but I really don't think that justifies making me wonder if I can make it through my lecture of Gleason and Clements without hurling in front of my class.
Oh my gosh, Val, you're channeling me! That's exactly how I shout at people in front of me, especially the ones who move with the alacrity of a glacier. Except I usually add, "It's the pedal on the RIGHT, shit-for-brains!" :-)
"Unduetot" Hee.
BlogHer can fuck off. Your ads fuck up every site I read. I have to sit while your ads run AN ENTIRE CYCLE before the ACTUAL BLOG I'm trying to read shows up. I hate you, BlogHer. (Plus your name? Retahded.)
I agree with Cullen. Other than that, no fuck off this week. My son's coming home next week.
HH - HOORAY!!!!
But your insurance company can still fuck off.
WV: jecksabs.
I'm beginning to think bands who have a hard time coming up with a name could use these verifications to get some pretty good ideas.
come on by, emily. The house is a mess, but the dogs will love you to death and make up for it!
Oh, and GMT? Sandwich is totally safe. We had Subway at work.
Way to work those FO's, everybody. Pink bunny slippers and keyboard-head-banging and fuck compasses! And YAY that HH's son is coming home!
FO #1 goes to the oblivious lady in the supermarket parking lot last night who started backing her car straight into MINE as I was in the MIDDLE of backing out of my space, and then KEPT GOING even though I nearly crushed my steering wheel leaning on the horn. As I pulled my car back in and watched you continue backing out, I saw all the little duct tape "patches" covering your obviously abused bumper--Lady, that was the last straw on a very difficult day. You made me cry, once the shaking stopped. Fuck off and I hope you get a clue before someone else falls victim to your sorry excuse for driving.
#2--I don't like telling authors to fuck off, because really I should just stop reading the stupid book, but I'm just too disappointed and annoyed to let it go. Stephenie Meyer, you started off with a great story but now you should fuck off for letting your "Twilight" series die a slow, excruciating death over the course of the final two novels (the latter of which I am into just about 200 pages). After a third book that nearly killed me with chapters of endless monologues, you have let your main characters languish into manipulators, brats, and emo wimps. There's also some kind of ham-fisted attempt at a pro-life message which doesn't work b/c we're not dealing with humans exactly and contributes to the character problems. And so help me it is "reins" not "reigns" when you are talking about control, metaphorical or not. You didn't know when to quit, Meyer. I should probably have to fuck off for getting sucked in, but this dreck takes the cake. It didn't have to end this way. Fuck off and don't expect me to buy any more of your books.
(WV: "sablogis" - the headache you get after you've proofread your post for the third time.)
Following on Kate's #2: Not so much a fuck off as a word of warning to authors. Don't overreach.
Specifically, to Patricia Cornwell, stick with the Scarpetta novels and the like. Don't try to branch out into "humor". It don't work for ya, babe.
I can't even remember the name of the books, but she started a new series (three total, I think, not sure) trying to do some humor. The first one: not so bad, but certainly not good (not certain, but I think it was Southern Cross). A few moments of goodness, one situation in particular being pretty ironic and amusing (but not very well done). The second one I read? Sucked on ice. Browsing book titles and CD covers, I think this was the third in the series but I'm not sure.
The one I'm listening to now on CD: totally unconnected with the previous two series, pretty good so far because it's more in the Scarpetta-type mode.
Patricia, dear, listen to me. I'm looking forward to your next Scarpetta novel if you write one but please, please, don't ever try to go that wry humor route again. It doesn't work for you.
Word verification: nocklity
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...
I got nuthin'.
Yeah, Ken--I understand not wanting to regurgitate the same thing, but I'd choose quitting at the top of my game over limping into the sunset.
(OMG, my WV is "force." Huh?)
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