Well, conversely, having TOO MANY things and issues and people and events I want to tell FUCK THE FUCK OFF to can FUCK THE FUCK OFF.
I suppose I could put together a list, but I dont want to eat all of Bloggers bandwidth.
So, in an effort to keep it short, concise and to the FUCK OFF point:
Everything, everyone, anything, anyone that pissed me off this week - and you knwo who, what, when, why and where you are - can FUCK THE FUCK OFF with cheesknob subsidies and trillion dollar ECONOFUCK bailouts. FUCKING FUCK FUCKER FUCKING FUCKS.
Fuck off to the losers who just can't get past the idea that their particular candidate/cause/scrote/pet peeve lost, and have to take to the streets/assign blame/badmouth someone/sit and whine like a little baby.
You lost. STFU and get over it. Figure out what you did wrong and fix it. Do something constructive. Hire a focus group or something. Whatever. Just stop with the whining and temper tantrums.
And none of this is targetted at any specific group. Actually, that's not quite true. It's targetted at ALL of them.
Val pretty much sums it up, but I'm gonna be wordy as usual:
1. This past week can FTFO. It has sucked great big giant mastodon balls. And got hair in its teeth from them. Any week that starts with nearly throwing up and ends with tears is a bad week. Oh, and it felt like it was about a month long.
2. CCFOAD, again. My dad may have skin cancer. And because he dragged his feet at getting in to the doc, if what he has IS skin cancer, treatment is going to be more risky and involved than just squirting the thing with liquid N2 and calling it good.
I so do not need another round of cancer worries right now.
3. And the biggie? 2008 can completely and totally fuck off. 2008 has been such an awful year. Too many people I love have died. Too many people I care about have lost people that they love. Too many good friends have lost jobs, lost hope, lost inspiration. Too much bad global news.
The worst thing? Looking at my Christmas card address list the other day and realizing I had to take several important people off. Because they died.
2008, if you were a man, I would totally be kicking you in the nuts right now. With my big heavy field boots on.
The guy who claims to be an attorney (but who I cannot find listed on any bar association membership list in the country), and is harrassing my unemployed parents with lies and threats and horrible insults to get them to pay back my dad's relocation package to the fuckers who moved him halfway across the country, then fired him, can FUCK THE FUCK OFF with a spiked metal club dipped in acid washed feces.
You FUCKING BASTARD! How dare you call them losers, question my father's manhood, and scare them into thinking they have to raid their already depleted retirement income, or sell a fucking kidney to repay those foul mother fuckers who intentionally screwed them over in the first place! There is a special place in hell reserved for you, you COCK-SUCKING PIECE OF POND SCUM COVERED SHIT!
And yes, Ricki, 2008 can fuck off to the nth degree!
Thanks, Emily and Val. If he was near Miami, I'd take you up on that, Val. Unfortunately, he is in New Hampshire. This man is pure evil. His practices are not only unconscionable, but perhaps even illegal.
IANAL (I am not a lawyer) but...if he has no listing in any of the bar association documents, could you call the bar association in the area he is most local to, and say, "I am curious about this individual; he is presenting himself as a lawyer and using tactics x and y; is this typical?"
Then, if things go as I hope they would, you can sit back with some popcorn and watch Fartface Fake Lawyer get taken to bits.
I think (Again, IANAL) most bar associations are pretty protective about their membership and get pretty steamed about someone falsely presenting themselves as a lawyer. (And in some cases, they get steamed about the use of slimy tactics).
I've had acid reflux and indeed, it can Fuck OFF. I can't even imagine what it feels like for a wee one to go through that pain. Poor widdle guy! I'm so glad he's home!
Acid reflux in an infant makes all of them spit up a little with each meal, and painfully, and some projectile vomit their entire meal.
My teeny Houdini tends to overeat because it's comforting, and then lose half of what he just put down when he burps. Because of that, he fights burping, and then gets colic.
So, yes, while acid reflux is uncomfortable in an adult, it's worse in an infant. And really fucking common in preemies.
Oh goodness, that sounds TERRIBLE! I couldn't eat at all when I had it. Every time I would try and swallow food, it felt like I was being stabbed just right above my stomach. The only thing good that came from it was a prescription for some pain killers. I literally did not eat for four days.
But I cannot even IMAGINE what it is like for you as a mommy to have to watch your little fella go through that. I'm practically in tears just picturing a tiny little baby projectile vomitting. I hope he gets better soon.
And I LOVE the name "my teeny Houdini." Go, Teeny! We're all rooting for you!
Getting up four times a night with a teething baby can fuck off with globs of infant Tylenol.
The guy who's hassling Maggie's parents can fuck off in triplicate. A collection agent is only slightly lower on the scale of social acceptability than, say, a child molester or someone who spits gum on a hot sidewalk. Maggie, if you e-mail the guy's name and other information to me at jbmartin (at) nwi (dot) net, I'll see what-all I can find out about his operation. There are probably others here better at cybering out information than I am, but it's a place to start. You never know what you may turn up.
In the news business, the pre-Christmas season can fuck off and die with big shiny snow globes. Cullen knows where I'm coming from. Advent is supposed to be a time of joyful anticipation, not overtime weekends and frantic sales goals.
CCFOAD, as always. And Ricki, the mastodon balls were the most vivid mental picture I've had in a long time.
Even worse, Joel -- it doesn't even sound like this guy is trying to collect money that is genuinely owed. You shouldn't be allowed to pay someone to relocate for their job, fire them once they get to their new place, and then say "pony up what we spent to get you here." Unless I'm reading Maggie's FO wrong, it sounds like that's what happened. AND it appears he's lying about being a lawyer, which makes him even worse than a collection agent. At least collection agents are trying to get money that they are truly owed.
I hope that teething ends for you soon! What's with all the sad babies stuff today? Somebody tell a happy baby story already before I really start to cry.
If we're like the A Team, can I be Hannibal? Although I'll let you all have the cigars. I just like to say "I love it when a plan comes together..."
Fuck off to work for sucking mastodon balls (I LIKE that one!) this week even though it was a short week AND my birthday.
Speaking of which, fuck off to the assholes who decided to celebrate veterans day ON veterans day so I had to fucking go to work on Monday. WHICH WAS MY BIRTHDAY, and then randomly get Tuesday off. What the fuck ever happened to a goddamn THREE FUCKING DAY WEEKEND. Asshole HR people.
And those same DOUCHEBAG HR people can FOAD with festering knobs of goat shit shoved down their throats for deciding that we HAVE to take the day after Thanksgiving off (school is closed) but this year it counts against our vacation so we have to fucking fill out an absence form. I very nearly put "fucking around on Black Friday" as my "reason for absence". Kiss my ass, HR trolls. There's a reason HR is known as "Warm and Humid" around here. Because that's where their heads are, somewhere warm and humid, and doesn't smell too nice.
Thankfully, my son isn't one of the projectile pukers. Also thankfully, Zantac works to calm his little tummy down enough for him to eat. He just fights not to burp, because he wants his food to stay where he puts it.
But yes, when I saw a baby boy of a pair of twins projectile puke his dinner, I wanted to cry, too. I have had heartburn that bad, so I know what it's like. I, however, was able to communicate what was wrong, and understand that someone was going to help. These tiny little ones can't do that, which makes me feel worse for them.
And I call my son my teeny Houdini because he can escape from swaddle wrapping, and even the baby straitjackets that swadde them with Velcro. My sister calls him Houdinky.
Wow, CTG, that sucks really hard. I can't believe that your warm and humid HR department can't see how soulsuckingly awful that is.
Did they recently hire Catbert? Does your boss have pointy hair?
We have to fill out those forms when we're off campus for academic meetings and it always irks me because they ask if "is there some way your classes can be met?" Yeah, sure, idiot. I'm going to hit up one of my colleagues to teach FOR FREE for me for a day when I'm at some meeting YOU require me to go to. So I have to spread the suckage around.
(I usually just claim I'm giving an extra-long homework assignment or something).
(Capcha word: sculg. The noise warm and humid makes when they pull their heads out of the warm and humid place).
People who are taking advantage of the loophole in Nebraska's "safe haven" law by dumping their non-infant children at hospitals can seriously, seriously fucking fuck OFF. Kids as old as seven-fucking-teen are being dumped! Unbelievable. I get the point of having those laws in place so people don't kill unwanted babies (the lowest fucking form of scum humanly possible), but for fuck's sake, I think you should consider yourself committed to parenthood after the first year or so. Fucking hell. What kind of a person throws their own five-year-old kid away like a piece of garbage?
WV: pring, which I am now imagining as a special brand of torture reserved for these shitstains that involves a firepoker and an orifice.
Oh, man, that's what wrong with the aggressive drivers dogging me this week--they're hauling around mastondon balls. And they've all been *women*! Seriously, gals, do not honk at me to tell me I should go, when you are in the car BEHIND me--are you fucking psychic? And the one riding my bumper today--hello, it's called RAIN and WET LEAVES! Take your know-it-all attitudes and your death wishes and FUCK OFF. And do it far, far away from me.
Also? Being required to stay at school and do busywork even though the early dismissals for parent conferences can FOAD. I'm not being paid for this, I don't have a computer, I don't think I accomplished much, and I'm tired. Glad I don't have to do that ever again.
Does your HR department actually ever pull their heads from where they usually keep them, Ricki? My HR department doesn't--they've arranged for adjucts (like yours truly) to have four pay periods rather than five--which is a fuck off of its own--that start the first full month of the semester. In other words, our Spring semester paychecks will be coming in February. On the last working day of the month. This coming Spring semester, that's ten weeks without pay between December's check and the first one of Spring.
Needless to say, I feel CTG's pain, if in a different area of dealing with HR.
Thinking about Christmas and then realizing all of the people you won't get to wish a Merry Christmas to because of this suck year was the one in which they were fated to die, and then having to sit down and cry for ten minutes because of that fact, can FOAD.
That which does not kill, strengthens. (And forget your aunt's alternate version.)
Blue screens of death can go away, especially when followed by the horrified realization that email was not being saved to the server as both the IT person and I thought it was. What a DRAG. Well, it's just work, what the hey.
HH, will the kid take a pacifier at all? That's supposed to take the edge off the need to suck without overfilling the tummy. Or at least that's what they used to say. What do I know, my kid's 21 years old. That's time for pacifier theory to have swung back and forth 10 times.
The Chicago Tribune is wringing its hands about the potential for abandoning the free market if we don't limit the bailouts. Now, at this late date.
Here's comment 12:
"What has happened to your editorial board? You just endorsed Bailout Plus for President, instead of doing the right thing and endorsing no one. And you're telling me I don't begrudge a helping hand???
I do. Not all of this money disappeared. It's sitting in Hamptons houses and the bank accounts of people like Hank Greenberg of AIG, Franklin Raines of Fannie, and a whole lot of investment bankers who are laughing that they made all that money and no one's asking for it back.
Until you start advocating disgorgement, why don't you just shut the hell up with your trite crap?"
41 comments:
Well, conversely, having TOO MANY things and issues and people and events I want to tell FUCK THE FUCK OFF to can FUCK THE FUCK OFF.
I suppose I could put together a list, but I dont want to eat all of Bloggers bandwidth.
So, in an effort to keep it short, concise and to the FUCK OFF point:
Everything, everyone, anything, anyone that pissed me off this week - and you knwo who, what, when, why and where you are - can FUCK THE FUCK OFF with cheesknob subsidies and trillion dollar ECONOFUCK bailouts. FUCKING FUCK FUCKER FUCKING FUCKS.
Fuck off to the losers who just can't get past the idea that their particular candidate/cause/scrote/pet peeve lost, and have to take to the streets/assign blame/badmouth someone/sit and whine like a little baby.
You lost. STFU and get over it. Figure out what you did wrong and fix it. Do something constructive. Hire a focus group or something. Whatever. Just stop with the whining and temper tantrums.
And none of this is targetted at any specific group. Actually, that's not quite true. It's targetted at ALL of them.
Bailout. BAILOUT.
Slooooowwwwly I turn...
step by step...
inch by inch...
Val pretty much sums it up, but I'm gonna be wordy as usual:
1. This past week can FTFO. It has sucked great big giant mastodon balls. And got hair in its teeth from them. Any week that starts with nearly throwing up and ends with tears is a bad week. Oh, and it felt like it was about a month long.
2. CCFOAD, again. My dad may have skin cancer. And because he dragged his feet at getting in to the doc, if what he has IS skin cancer, treatment is going to be more risky and involved than just squirting the thing with liquid N2 and calling it good.
I so do not need another round of cancer worries right now.
3. And the biggie? 2008 can completely and totally fuck off. 2008 has been such an awful year. Too many people I love have died. Too many people I care about have lost people that they love. Too many good friends have lost jobs, lost hope, lost inspiration. Too much bad global news.
The worst thing? Looking at my Christmas card address list the other day and realizing I had to take several important people off. Because they died.
2008, if you were a man, I would totally be kicking you in the nuts right now. With my big heavy field boots on.
Amen, Ricki. 2008 can let the door hit it on the butt on the way out.
I third Ricki's rant. And nominate sucking "...great big giant mastodon balls..." as one of the best curses EVAH.
As for me.....I'll have to go with Val. Maybe I'll have some specifics later.
"Mastodon balls?"
Dudes!?!
http://www.babalublog.com/archives/010569.html
Whoooooaaaa....
Back away from the 'nads...
The guy who claims to be an attorney (but who I cannot find listed on any bar association membership list in the country), and is harrassing my unemployed parents with lies and threats and horrible insults to get them to pay back my dad's relocation package to the fuckers who moved him halfway across the country, then fired him, can FUCK THE FUCK OFF with a spiked metal club dipped in acid washed feces.
You FUCKING BASTARD! How dare you call them losers, question my father's manhood, and scare them into thinking they have to raid their already depleted retirement income, or sell a fucking kidney to repay those foul mother fuckers who intentionally screwed them over in the first place! There is a special place in hell reserved for you, you COCK-SUCKING PIECE OF POND SCUM COVERED SHIT!
And yes, Ricki, 2008 can fuck off to the nth degree!
Thank you.
Some dudes got waaaaaaay too much to prove. I wonder how many of them drive bright yellow cars with a muffler cut-out. And the Asshole Option.
(capcha word: tanonds. Sounds like a brand of cheap beer that those wankers drank to wash down the bully balls)
Maggie,
I can't remember the last time I wanted to kick someone's ass so bad. What a douchenozzle. Seriously.
WV: Musho. Sounds like something you order with sushi.
Maggie,
Is that douchebag anywhere near Miami? Cause Id be happy to help take care of that situation for you, personally.
Thanks, Emily and Val. If he was near Miami, I'd take you up on that, Val. Unfortunately, he is in New Hampshire. This man is pure evil. His practices are not only unconscionable, but perhaps even illegal.
Attorney's out there...help a girl out!
Maggie,
I never thought I'd actually find myself saying this, but lawyers are too good for this shitstain.
IANAL (I am not a lawyer) but...if he has no listing in any of the bar association documents, could you call the bar association in the area he is most local to, and say, "I am curious about this individual; he is presenting himself as a lawyer and using tactics x and y; is this typical?"
Then, if things go as I hope they would, you can sit back with some popcorn and watch Fartface Fake Lawyer get taken to bits.
I think (Again, IANAL) most bar associations are pretty protective about their membership and get pretty steamed about someone falsely presenting themselves as a lawyer. (And in some cases, they get steamed about the use of slimy tactics).
Good advice, Ricki. Hard to imagine this shit is actually a lawyer but whether he is or not, the bar association should be most interested in him.
On a different note, for Val and Ricki
Still having a good week--my son is home after spending his first five weeks in th NICU.
I do, however, have a fuck off: acid reflux can fuck off, my son's especially.
I've had acid reflux and indeed, it can Fuck OFF. I can't even imagine what it feels like for a wee one to go through that pain. Poor widdle guy! I'm so glad he's home!
No fuck offs. No opposite of fuck offs either. Pretty much an even week.
I second the "mastodon balls" as an instant classic.
Emily,
Acid reflux in an infant makes all of them spit up a little with each meal, and painfully, and some projectile vomit their entire meal.
My teeny Houdini tends to overeat because it's comforting, and then lose half of what he just put down when he burps. Because of that, he fights burping, and then gets colic.
So, yes, while acid reflux is uncomfortable in an adult, it's worse in an infant. And really fucking common in preemies.
Oh goodness, that sounds TERRIBLE! I couldn't eat at all when I had it. Every time I would try and swallow food, it felt like I was being stabbed just right above my stomach. The only thing good that came from it was a prescription for some pain killers. I literally did not eat for four days.
But I cannot even IMAGINE what it is like for you as a mommy to have to watch your little fella go through that. I'm practically in tears just picturing a tiny little baby projectile vomitting. I hope he gets better soon.
And I LOVE the name "my teeny Houdini." Go, Teeny! We're all rooting for you!
Getting up four times a night with a teething baby can fuck off with globs of infant Tylenol.
The guy who's hassling Maggie's parents can fuck off in triplicate. A collection agent is only slightly lower on the scale of social acceptability than, say, a child molester or someone who spits gum on a hot sidewalk. Maggie, if you e-mail the guy's name and other information to me at jbmartin (at) nwi (dot) net, I'll see what-all I can find out about his operation. There are probably others here better at cybering out information than I am, but it's a place to start. You never know what you may turn up.
In the news business, the pre-Christmas season can fuck off and die with big shiny snow globes. Cullen knows where I'm coming from. Advent is supposed to be a time of joyful anticipation, not overtime weekends and frantic sales goals.
CCFOAD, as always. And Ricki, the mastodon balls were the most vivid mental picture I've had in a long time.
Even worse, Joel -- it doesn't even sound like this guy is trying to collect money that is genuinely owed. You shouldn't be allowed to pay someone to relocate for their job, fire them once they get to their new place, and then say "pony up what we spent to get you here." Unless I'm reading Maggie's FO wrong, it sounds like that's what happened. AND it appears he's lying about being a lawyer, which makes him even worse than a collection agent. At least collection agents are trying to get money that they are truly owed.
I hope that teething ends for you soon! What's with all the sad babies stuff today? Somebody tell a happy baby story already before I really start to cry.
Do you know how awesome it would be if the FFOT got the douchebag (and that's a word I, like, never say) who's harassing Maggie May's parents busted?
We'd be like a little team of Super Heroes. The Friday F-Off Squad. The Legion of Ranters. Something.
The FFOT Squad - bringing justice wherever douchebags can be found. We could be like the A-Team.
If we're like the A Team, can I be Hannibal? Although I'll let you all have the cigars. I just like to say "I love it when a plan comes together..."
Fuck off to work for sucking mastodon balls (I LIKE that one!) this week even though it was a short week AND my birthday.
Speaking of which, fuck off to the assholes who decided to celebrate veterans day ON veterans day so I had to fucking go to work on Monday. WHICH WAS MY BIRTHDAY, and then randomly get Tuesday off. What the fuck ever happened to a goddamn THREE FUCKING DAY WEEKEND. Asshole HR people.
And those same DOUCHEBAG HR people can FOAD with festering knobs of goat shit shoved down their throats for deciding that we HAVE to take the day after Thanksgiving off (school is closed) but this year it counts against our vacation so we have to fucking fill out an absence form. I very nearly put "fucking around on Black Friday" as my "reason for absence". Kiss my ass, HR trolls. There's a reason HR is known as "Warm and Humid" around here. Because that's where their heads are, somewhere warm and humid, and doesn't smell too nice.
Emily,
Thankfully, my son isn't one of the projectile pukers. Also thankfully, Zantac works to calm his little tummy down enough for him to eat. He just fights not to burp, because he wants his food to stay where he puts it.
But yes, when I saw a baby boy of a pair of twins projectile puke his dinner, I wanted to cry, too. I have had heartburn that bad, so I know what it's like. I, however, was able to communicate what was wrong, and understand that someone was going to help. These tiny little ones can't do that, which makes me feel worse for them.
And I call my son my teeny Houdini because he can escape from swaddle wrapping, and even the baby straitjackets that swadde them with Velcro. My sister calls him Houdinky.
Wow, CTG, that sucks really hard. I can't believe that your warm and humid HR department can't see how soulsuckingly awful that is.
Did they recently hire Catbert? Does your boss have pointy hair?
We have to fill out those forms when we're off campus for academic meetings and it always irks me because they ask if "is there some way your classes can be met?" Yeah, sure, idiot. I'm going to hit up one of my colleagues to teach FOR FREE for me for a day when I'm at some meeting YOU require me to go to. So I have to spread the suckage around.
(I usually just claim I'm giving an extra-long homework assignment or something).
(Capcha word: sculg. The noise warm and humid makes when they pull their heads out of the warm and humid place).
People who are taking advantage of the loophole in Nebraska's "safe haven" law by dumping their non-infant children at hospitals can seriously, seriously fucking fuck OFF. Kids as old as seven-fucking-teen are being dumped! Unbelievable. I get the point of having those laws in place so people don't kill unwanted babies (the lowest fucking form of scum humanly possible), but for fuck's sake, I think you should consider yourself committed to parenthood after the first year or so. Fucking hell. What kind of a person throws their own five-year-old kid away like a piece of garbage?
WV: pring, which I am now imagining as a special brand of torture reserved for these shitstains that involves a firepoker and an orifice.
Oh, man, that's what wrong with the aggressive drivers dogging me this week--they're hauling around mastondon balls. And they've all been *women*! Seriously, gals, do not honk at me to tell me I should go, when you are in the car BEHIND me--are you fucking psychic? And the one riding my bumper today--hello, it's called RAIN and WET LEAVES! Take your know-it-all attitudes and your death wishes and FUCK OFF. And do it far, far away from me.
Also? Being required to stay at school and do busywork even though the early dismissals for parent conferences can FOAD. I'm not being paid for this, I don't have a computer, I don't think I accomplished much, and I'm tired. Glad I don't have to do that ever again.
You guys are all awesome. Thanks for the A Team support!
Emily...yes, that is EXCATLY what happened, but there was even more corporate politics than that.
Joel, I am sending you an e-mail as soon as I am done with this.
Good luck with those babies! Acid reflux and teething can definitely fuck off!
(capcha word: explend. I've explend this to you once already!)
Does your HR department actually ever pull their heads from where they usually keep them, Ricki? My HR department doesn't--they've arranged for adjucts (like yours truly) to have four pay periods rather than five--which is a fuck off of its own--that start the first full month of the semester. In other words, our Spring semester paychecks will be coming in February. On the last working day of the month. This coming Spring semester, that's ten weeks without pay between December's check and the first one of Spring.
Needless to say, I feel CTG's pain, if in a different area of dealing with HR.
two-day migraines on top of sinus-and-ear-infections leading up to the busiest week of the semester...
I want my mommy.
Thinking about Christmas and then realizing all of the people you won't get to wish a Merry Christmas to because of this suck year was the one in which they were fated to die, and then having to sit down and cry for ten minutes because of that fact, can FOAD.
That which does not kill, strengthens. (And forget your aunt's alternate version.)
Blue screens of death can go away, especially when followed by the horrified realization that email was not being saved to the server as both the IT person and I thought it was. What a DRAG. Well, it's just work, what the hey.
HH, will the kid take a pacifier at all? That's supposed to take the edge off the need to suck without overfilling the tummy. Or at least that's what they used to say. What do I know, my kid's 21 years old. That's time for pacifier theory to have swung back and forth 10 times.
"porprega" - ART for porpoises?
I totally want to know what the aunt's alternate version is....
"That which does not kill you disables you for life."
"That which does not kill you disables you for life."
Ha! I LOVE twisted takes on old sayings! Another fave, tangentially related to the FFOT thread:
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies.
WV: pitiess - can't be certain how, but it sure sounds related to this thread.
Oh wait, I know how it relates. It's the A-Team reference.
I pitiess fool who's harassing Maggie's parents
Can I comment with somebody else's comment?
The Chicago Tribune is wringing its hands about the potential for abandoning the free market if we don't limit the bailouts. Now, at this late date.
Here's comment 12:
"What has happened to your editorial board? You just endorsed Bailout Plus for President, instead of doing the right thing and endorsing no one. And you're telling me I don't begrudge a helping hand???
I do. Not all of this money disappeared. It's sitting in Hamptons houses and the bank accounts of people like Hank Greenberg of AIG, Franklin Raines of Fannie, and a whole lot of investment bankers who are laughing that they made all that money and no one's asking for it back.
Until you start advocating disgorgement, why don't you just shut the hell up with your trite crap?"
Amen.
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