People who cling to political ideals over fucking humanity can fuck the fuck off. This week, I'm specifically talking to the ones who dismissed 918 dead human fucking beings in Jonestown thirty years ago because they had supposedly built a utopian socialicist farming collective. Never mind the beatings, intimidation, captivity, rape and, ultimately, mass murder. They were growing their own vegetables which was like groovy, man. That Jim Jones cat wasn't all that bad until the end. That's fucking bullshit. BULLSHIT. And it's easy enough to read primary fucking sources that will tell you so first hand. If you can't be bothered to read at least that much, then do the world a favor and shut the fuck up when you don't have a clue.
The apologists are getting a little bit more than wearisome. They're becoming downright infuriating.
And I'm glad to read that all of our past efforts telling cancer to fuck off have panned out. Hooray to Ricki's family. Fuck off, cancer. We're coming for your ass.
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28 comments:
I'll have to think about it for a little bit. I had some FOs earlier this week, but the good news about Ricki's Dad and Maggie May just knocked them right out of my head.
I know, huh? A double-header of awesome.
WV: trythoot. Sounds like some kind of extinct animal.
Yeah, I'm really in too good a mood to tell anything to F off this week. Not only because of good family news, but because I get a couple days' break next week. And I get a big early Thanksgiving lunch today.
So these past couple days are pretty much making up for last week's suckiness.
Though I guess I can always say CCFOAD...for all the people who aren't getting good reports back from the doctor.
I had some FOADs, but the good news knocked 'em out as well.
But I'm certain that I'll have at least one later today. I'm going to work, after all.
We'll be here for you, Jeff!
Chest colds can fuck off. I sound like a TB patient with a five-pack-a-day habit. I have too much to do this weekend to be sick! Bah!
Cancer can still FOAD.
I had a student who had to drop my class because he couldn't hack going to school and taking care of his mother who has cancer. He made the right decision (to drop out to care for her), but still, Cancer Can Fuck off and Die.
Well, that didn't take long.
I got to work, read my notes from a meeting yesterday, and realized that I have a bunch of great ideas to implement.
You know the sort, where someone (usually the boss) has a great idea, and throws it on your desk to do, regardless of all the associated problems. If he even bothered thinking it through, or considering your current workload.
Great ideas are fine. The fuckers who think 'em up and walk away without doing anything to get 'em going, all pleased and happy with themselves, can fuck off with a short circuited toaster while munching on slices of cheese covered ass pies.
And, oh yeah......people who decide to have a video teleconference 3 to 5 PM on a Friday afternoon deserve an extra special FOAD, and a private corner in Hell, shared only with Michael Moore, Madonna, and Nancy Pelosi, all of whom are constantly singing "I'm Dreaming Of A White Christmas" in the nude.
Thanks Jeff. Now I have to go bleach my brain.
You know who can FUCK THE FUCK OFF today?
The motherless MOTHERFUCKING LAWYERS that scheduled me for a deposition today at FUCKING 2 FUCKING PM, that's who. MOTHERFUCKERS. Dont these FUCKSUITS have FUCKING LIVES? Dont they realize that FRIDAY IS MY FUCKING HAPPY FUCKING HOUR FUCKING DAY? And that I only work till, FUCKING 2 FUCKING PM TODAY?
Now, on my scheduled alone time where Id be sittin out back of my house fishing with a couple of FUCKING COLD ONES, I have to be sitting in a FUCKING room full of FUCKING PEDANTIC FUCK ATTORNEYS asking me the SAME FUCKING EXACT FUCKING QUESTION SEVENTY DIFFERENT FUCKING WAYS?
hey, FUCKBREATHS, you can ask the FUCKING QUESTION a million DIFFERENT FUCKING WAYS AND PLAY FUCKING SEMANTIC FUCKING VERBAL FUCKING DODGEBALL ALL YOU LIKE, the answer is and will still be that your FUCKING SORRY ASS FUCKING CLIENT SUCKS FUCKBALLS, FUCKBALLS. Perhaps your SLIMY FUCKBALL CLIENT should have done his FUCKING JOB AND DONE THE WORK FUCKING RIGHT IN THE FIRST FUCKING PLACE, FUCKSTICKS, instead of cutting FUCKING CORNERS AND BEING A FUCKING FUCKBALL SLEAZEFUCKINGBUCKET.
Thanks Val, you just did what the bleach could never do.
Ballistic measures to take care of a very specific problem can fuck off and die.
You taken away my thumbs, you godforsaken bastards. Do you know how much more work you've just caused my entire office? Shit, my entire career field?
Look, not everyone picks up a thumb drive they've never seen before and sticks it into their computer, OK? And, if you'd turn on our autoscan, it wouldn't really matter what we plugged in, Symantec would probably catch it.
Thanks Jeff. Now I have to go bleach my brain.
Sorry about that, Ken, but I'm really pissed about that meeting....especially I'll have just about zip to gain from it.
Once again, my son's acid reflux can FUCK THE FUCKING FUCK OFF. It's got him afraid to burp, and is causing painful belly gas on top of the other wonderful discomforts.
This time, I also have a fuck off to a friend. One of my oldest friendships has just pissed me the hell off. He's gay, and has provided sperm to one of his high school friends for in vitro fertilization, provided he gets joint custody of the baby. No real fuck off there--I've seen women obsessed with getting pregnant less baby mad than my friend.
No, the fuck off comes in with his roommate's cat. The cat's in heat, didn't let him sleep last night, and he told his roommate that she had to get rid of the cat today, or he'd get rid of it for her, and she wouldn't like how he did it.
YOU FUCKING RETARDED FUCKING ASSHOLE! HOW MUCH FUCKING SLEEP DO YOU FUCKING THINK YOU'LL FUCKING GET WITH AN INFANT? WILL YOU FUCKING GIVE YOUR CHILD THE FUCK AWAY WHEN HE/SHE KEEPS YOU FUCKING AWAKE ALL FUCKING NIGHT?
Right now, I have absolutely zero sympathy with my friends who don't have children, and complain about being tired.
My sister can fuck off, for cornering my wife at a homeschool moms' night and chewing her out for fucking hours on end IN FRONT OF HER FRIENDS, in that shrill unmodulated voice of hers, about every touchy subject she could find, and then NOT LETTING HER GO HOME UNTIL ALMOST ELEVEN BECAUSE SHE COULDN'T FUCKING DROP THE SUBJECT! Even though everyone else had already left! Oh, and just so you know, sis... prefacing something with "You know I love you, but..." does not make the shit you're about to spew magically turn nice! This sister has been sneering at me and my family ever since she moved back to the west, playing her goddamn sibling games to compete for my parents' favor while making snide comments about our housekeeping, our parenting style, our church, and anything else she can think of. We've actually been disinvited from family events, supposedly because the little boy she was trying to adopt couldn't handle a crowd our size. (Funny how well he coped with the hundreds of her kind of people at his adoption party last week.) I love my sister (in general), but I'm beginning to wish she'd go the fuck back to Pennsylvania and leave us alone. Or at least fucking get past puberty!
My ex-harpy can fuck off unreservedly, with rusty fishhooks and week-old haggis. The court order specifies that I get my son for Thanksgiving o even numbered years, so what does she do? She makes plans anyway, and then puts him on the spot to choose which family he wants to spend it with. And pressures him to choose correctly! I'll bet she's barely speaking to him since he decided he wanted to come here. Fuck off and die, you vicious, petty, conniving, manipulative, lady-macbethian pile of termite shit!
Jeez, Joel. That sucks bigtime. Bad enough to have an ex acting like a petulant little shit, but family members acting like that are the worst.
Ugh...even worse...exes being petulant shits in a way that involves the children in their bitter and petty need to take cheap shots. Especially over a holiday when kids are supposed to be having FUN. Boo.
Joel, I'll make an exception to my FFO: both your ex and sister can join the Friday PM video teleconference idiots in a semi-private corner of Hell.
And I'll throw in Jack Murtha and Ted Kennedy doing the polka in nothing but high heels and garters for more entertainment.
Just when you think you're done with the brain bleach, Jeff S. brings up Teddy K. and garters. Ewwww.
It is me, or is half the population absolutely nuts this week? We're past the full moon, people--what gives?
The jackass who drove his flashy SUV through the exit of my town's tiny shopping center--which is explicitly marked DO NOT ENTER with TWO SIGNS, then acted as if he were doing me a favor by backing his car into a space and then gesturing for me to drive through before he crossed to the jewelry store or whatever CAN FUCK OFF. Dude, I grew up in this town and with the exception of college and brief stints elsewhere, I've lived here all my life. I have NEVER seen anyone even TRY to drive in that way. Even at night. YOU ARE NOT ENTITLED. I don't give a shit if you're in a hurry. Take your big fancy SUV, your weird all-black suit and shirt outfit, your I'm-so-magnanimous gesture, and fuck off. Just because you can fit two of my cars in your big honking vehicle doesn't mean the road signs don't apply to you.
And you know what else can fuck off? My lack of assertiveness when I'm caught off guard. This one couple I'm acquaintances with always wants to get together for dinner, but they pick a place close to where they live. Why the fuck can't I open my mouth and ask them to meet me halfway? Jeez.
Kate,
Sounds like jackass in question kicked in a few extra bucks for the asshole option when he bought his oversized boat on wheels.
*smacks forehead* Oh, yeah, Emily--how could I have forgotten? That asshole option's really popular in this area.
(WV: asattly. My WV seems to agree with your assessment.)
The guy in the Hummer who felt it neccessary to drive on the shoulder to get around construciton trafic can FUCK OFF!If it wasn't a geographical impossibility, I'd swear you are the same jackass from Kate's story. Dude your car is FUCKING HUGE...too wide to be sneaking past on the left shoulder. Besides, do you think the rest of us are sitting here waiting for FUCKING knitting class to start? We ALL have somewhere to be...not just those with the asshole options on their FUCKING gigantic overcompensating driveway penises.
And while you are fucking off, you can throw Joel's sister and ex wife, Jeff's teleconference folks, Val's lawyers, Cullen's ballistic mesaures, Lisa's chest cold, Emily's "usefule idiots", HH's baby's acid reflux and her friend's stupidity, cancer and whatever else ails these fine people, in the back of that gas-guzzling monstrosity, and drive it straight to the corner of hell where the naked, garter-sporting futher fuckers are singing just for them. Lord knows everyone will fit in you car!
Wow...I can fuck off after seeing all those typos. Hopefully, you got my point anyway.
"Lord knows everyone will fit in the car."
Hahahahaha!
I would say fuck off to the asshole in front of me this morning who was driving like a douchebag, but he got slammed in the front, rear, and side right in front of me. I'd say the other three cars told him to Fuck Off pretty well....
wv: loonsing What wackos do under the moon... oh wait. that's lunacy.
I second Maggie's second to all the jerkwads mentioned above. And since we're on the subject of dipshit drivers YET AGAIN:
A most hearty fuck off WITH CHEESE to the dickhead on 237 who drove for over a mile at the apparently required 10MPH below the speed limit, straddling the goddam lane divider (so that I couldn't pass his sorry ass). I couldn't tell if he was some little chickenshit Walter Mitty trying to change lanes WITHOUT A FUCKING TURN SIGNAL, or just a fucking dickwad who didn't know what he was doing.
I found out after pounding on the horn (and he FINALLY got back into his own lane) that he was just a fucking dickwad, yapping on his fucking (NOT hands-free) cell phone. Look, I have reasons for opposing the state law that MAKES THAT ILLEGAL but they are looking pretty anemic tonight.
Oh, CTG, that is such righteous justice for the little prick. Reminds me of a story:
Many years ago, before the lovely daughters were born, we were heading upcountry from Santa Cruz. It was a Friday, so the weekend getaway traffic was on the road, but early yet, so traffic was heavy but moving, albeit a little below the speed limit. Part of the reason for that was the CHP cruiser several cars in front of us.
I could see in my rearview mirror a jerk in a large, late 60s car weaving in and out of traffic, edging his way into spaces far too small to do so safely. He was over the speed limit (and so going WAY to fast for the traffic) and I thought, "Hee hee just wait till he catches up with the CHP."
He never got that far. He got about two car lengths past us and I suddenly saw him swerve toward the right shoulder. As soon as I could see between cars, I saw that the car was spewing sparks out from under it. It had dropped the driveshaft - IN FRONT SO THAT IT WASN'T DRAGGING BUT WAS DIGGING INTO THE PAVEMENT.
It was almost enough to make me believe there is a God.
It's Saturday, and as always I'm running late. I wonder if I can just put in an eternal weekly effoff to Chase and its new subsidiary, WaMu. Chase is the name of your bank, you cretans, not a method of operation. If your petulant peasants continue to piss me off, I will continue to hang up on them. Rudeness will get you nowhere. I promise.
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