Pardon the "get off my lawn" tone, but I am seriously getting pissed off at how much txt mssg speak and the use of acronyms have begun to slip into mainstream writing. I'm not talking about FBI or IRS or NAFTA or the SAS or NSA. I completely understand that there are times when abbreviation is both practical and economical. I do not, however, want to see "AFAIK," "IIRC," or any other shortened string of non-instututional phrases in professional print. If you are being paid to write, you can at least pay your readers the courtesy of taking the 0.6 extra seconds that will be required to type "if I recall" instead of hitting the caps lock and typing the fucking initials. You are abusing the language of poets and giants. Don't make me seize that quill.
F.O.A.D.!
Your turn.
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The cold I came down with can fuck off. I can barely breathe in the first place, and when I go visit my son, I have to wear a surgical mask so that I don't pass it to him.
My insurance can definitely FUCK THE MOTHER FUCKING FUCK OFF! I didn't fully believe that they would FUCKING deny our FUCKING claim on the grounds that THEY DON'T FUCKING COVER FUCKING MATERNITY UNLESS THERE'S FUCKING COMPLICATIONS! What the FUCK do they FUCKING THINK, that FUCKING going into FUCKING PREMATURE FUCKING LABOR AT THIRTY-TWO FUCKING WEEKS ISN'T A FUCKING COMPLI-FUCKING-CATION?!? Where the FUCKING hell do they FUCKING get off with that?
I don't FUCKING need this FUCKING shit. I have enough FUCKING stress without it. I shouldn't fucking have to fucking call my midwife's office and the hospital and fucking ask them to write letters to the FUCKING ASSWHINE TWATWAFFLE MOTHER-FUCKING INSURANCE.
I still wonder about the reasoning of that. "It's not complicated. You gave birth early. If you think about it, that actually made things easier, didn't it?"
Fucking insurance companies. Fuck them.
HH, please allow me to endorse your FO to your insurance company with boiling cheese, flaming banjos, and an extra large trebuchet. Effing idiots.
Self-centered egotistical twits in managerial positions can fuck off and die.
I'd say more, but I'm off to work.
Oh, wait. Work can fuck off and die.
Once again, I can FTFO. I am the biggest procrastinating bastard. I wish I wouldn't put off papers until the last moment, but I have the hardest time focusing on something until I actually feel the pressure of being under the gun.
Most of the time I have a semi-good excuse like, there were other things that I could have focused on. This time, nope. I just pissed away all that time fucking around on the innerwebs, basically.
Oh well. I am fuly responsible for my GPA. Fuck me.
Oh, and my I be the first to congratulate Jeff for the use of trebuchet in an FFOT. Good job, sir!
HH,
That was FUCKING BRILLIANT!!!
Thanks, Val. That means a lot, coming from you.
And you're definitely right about the caps lock. :-D
"Honor the noble English language, tongue of Milton, Shakespeare and Poe, and it will serve thee well all the days of thy life." A Heinlein quote, I think. I tried to drill it into my kids, but the teenagers actually go around saying "OMG" and "WTF" in conversation. In front of their mother, fer chrissake! That can fuck off even more. It's still profanity if it's in an acronym. Little pissants.
(Setting a good example here, yessiree!)
HH, I third that FTFO to the insurance. What the fuck kind of insurer will cover complications but not routine delivery? Or doesn't think seven months is a complication? Merely because insurance executives hatch into larvae under the fridge, do they not understand that childbirth is fucking necessary?
Joel -- cussing in front of mom aside, it doesn't really bother me when I hear it from kids or see it in text messages or just personal blogs, whatever. But I've been seeing this shit pop up in professional publications like the Atlantic Monthly and what not. That is just FUCKING WRONG. No, when I am reading what is supposed to be professional-grade writing in the mainstream press, I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE TO LOOK UP A FUCKING ACRONYM BECAUSE, BEING NOT TWELVE AND ALL, I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK "GOTV" ACTUALLY MEANS.
HH, I wholeheartedly support your brilliant FO to insurance companies. It's getting to the point that the reaction of the father in "John Q", which seemed so over-the-top at the time, may indeed become a reality someday if American insurance companies don't WAKE UP and realize that we're not all trying to cheat them out of their precious money. Half the people in post-Ike Houston would agree with you too.
And to my FOOTW (fuck off of the week): I can fuck off for not only (1) losing a crown while eating Dots (a candy I KNOW will pull out crowns but eat anyway), but also (2) for forgetting that, in my vain attempt to hide from my coworkers the hole left by said crown, I had slipped it back on -- and -- you guessed it -- somehow swallowed it. So now, since the DENTAL INSURANCE won't pay for a replacement, I'm on "poop patrol" for 48 hours (yes, the dentist can sterilize it; no, I'm not having fun; yes, you can laugh -- I have no pride left). So a hearty FUCK OFF to me. Happy Halloween to the rest of you.
Wow, I third or fourth the FO on the bad insurance company.
My main FO for the day? Political ads. I can vote early (but not often) in my state. I'm gonna do it, mainly to avoid standing in a ginormous line Tuesday. But I'm really sick unto death of the ads (including a certain half-hour long ad).
Also, a special cheese-dipped, jalapeno-sprinkled FO to those who do the Booga! Booga! Booga! ads. You know the ones: gray background, ominous music, unflattering photo of the opponent, and a voice over warning us how if you don't vote for the guy the ad is promoting, you will de facto get this other guy that they're showing you bad pictures of, and that other guy EATS CHILDREN(s meals at the fast food restaurant because he can't finish a whole burger) and KILLS DOGS(his dog got real old and was real sick so he had it euthanized) and MARRIED HIS RELATIVE (someone who was legally a third cousin but was actually adopted by that family...)
And a pre-emptive FO to all the Wednesday-morning quarterbackers we will see next week, who will either be screaming and gnashing their teeth and talking about what a dreadful country this is or how we're headed straight to Hell.
It makes me sick that this election won't be over even after it's over.
Boys. My God. Whose good idea were THOSE?!
Especially boys who, after telling your best friend that they want to "think about" getting back together, KISS the best friend, THEN tell her they DON'T want to get back together, and then say "that's it?" when she says "Fine."
And then keep hanging around when she tells them to leave her alone.
Also, the people upstairs who apparently wrestle dinosaurs all night.
And school. Always school. Why, school? Why?! Ma, can I come home?
Yes, briefly, after you graduate.
HH, I had a friend in Tennessee years ago whose health insurance tried to pull a fast one. She called the state insurance commissioner's office and they fixed it immediately. Might be worth a try if you haven't already - unlike an attorney, it's free.
"Yes, briefly, after you graduate."
AHHHH-HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
Emily, excellent leading FO. I hate seeing text/chat speak on the discussion boards for class--honestly, we get graded on our posts most of the time, and does it really take that much more time to spell out "you are" over "u r"!?
HH, you deserved every ounce of Val's compliment, and the insurance providers deserved every blistering bit of your FO. Jeez.
My first FO goes to the PTBs who scheduled the Phillies parade for today. Had to compete with Halloween--thanks for making parents pull their kids out of school (because of course hardly any schools were closed). It was a nice tribute to the team, but what a mess, and there were a lot of resentful teachers at school today who wished they had been able to go.
Second FO goes to my program and my advisors at school, for not checking up on us poor clueless slobs to make sure we're on the right track for state certification. I thought I was set to have my certification coincide with my graduation in December, but this week I found out I was a test short. It's all I can do to remember my name these days, and I'm supposed to be aware of everything else I need? What, by magic? You big jackasses. You place such an emphasis on being a great school for people changing careers--and them you leave them high and dry half the time. If I could get a comparable program elsewhere I would've been gone a year ago. Don't expect a ringing endorsement from me. I'm pissed off.
I forgot about my big Friday thread issue.
I'm tired of "a heartbeat away". Palin, if elected VP, would be "only a heartbeat away" from the presidency.
First, ...okay.
Second, ANY President can die in office. ANY VP can have to step in. This is not something new dreamed up for a Palin vice presidency. What, Biden if elected would be only two heartbeats away?
Third, people skip heartbeats all the time. My SIL skips about one every ten. Her doc told her that must be normal for her. No one is "one heartbeat away" from anything.
Fourth, people are acting like McCain has one foot in the grave and will drop dead any second. ANY SECOND NOW. Bunch of damn ghouls. Give him a minute, OK? Hell, he might last a week or two. It could happen. I wonder how it got to be that age was so exotic and weird to these people. They'll reach their 70's at some point (because God looks after fools and children) and they'll be looking in the mirror going "WHAT HAPPENED?" Will they want people looking sideways at them and wondering when they're going to fall over? Bet not.
Fifth, I'm just so sick of seeing that phrase that it makes me want to throw up. Actually, I can't wait for this election to be over with and I'm beyond even caring about who wins. We can maybe stop hearing about how McCain has cancer, and Obama's a closet Muslim, and Michelle hates America, and Cindy stole drugs from her charity, and Palin's not really Trig's mother, and Todd wants Alaska to secede from the Union, and Biden can't open his mouth without something stupid falling out. Well, who am I kidding. It won't end, it will just die back for a while.
HUX,
Shoot me now, but srsly, heh (sorry, Emily) get a lawyer. Now. The state insurance regulators take TIME. In the interim, unpaid medical bills go on your FUCKING CREDIT REPORT.
CREDIT IS EVERYTHING. FUCK. FUCKITY MOTHERFUCKING GD CREDIT.
Get a dirty, dirtbag of an attorney. Get one of those contingency-basis ones. Or not. Get one who will resolve this ASAP.
You are a new mommy. Neither you nor your new miracle needs this motherfucking stress. This is crazy. It will go from crazy to costly quick. I've been reading about this for a couple of weeks. I hate advice-givers almost as much as I hate the kind of lawyer I'll recommend... my brother-in-law is the type of attorney who defends insurance companies against fraudulent suits. You are not a fraud. Not even.
I fucking hate those rusty fucking douchenozzles at my former insurance company. They may all go fuck themselves with a Jeff Stryker monster cock dildo with a suction cup base, five speeds and a kick-starter, that has been passed through a disease-infested bathhouse and every nasty fucking glory hole in the West Village. Fuck those ass fuckers.
Hux, go fuck your insurance company. Get your bills paid and put your energy in the right place. Do it for the rest of us who have gotten ass-raped by our insurance companies. Don't ask for what you don't deserve. Just get your bills paid. And fuck those fuckers.
Please.
Susanna
P.S. And huzzah to the trebuchet!
"They may all go fuck themselves with a Jeff Stryker monster cock dildo with a suction cup base, five speeds and a kick-starter, that has been passed through a disease-infested bathhouse and every nasty fucking glory hole in the West Village."
I just thought that sentece needed repeating. Carry on.
Susanna,
We're working on it. We haven't received the bill from the hospital, yet. We've been in contact with their customer accounts department since the day the baby was born, when we were told by admissions that our insurance (who was told by admissions that the childbirth was a normal vaginal delivery) said they wouldn't cover the bill. The hospital's customer accounts department are not happy--they say that they'll help us fight the insurance, because there's no way that premature labor--and two bags of magnesium sulfate to try to stop it--is not a complication. The hospital's customer accounts department says they won't charge us until this is worked out.
That's one of the reasons (besides the excellent care I received, and that my son is still receiving) why I keep saying that they're awesome.
My midwife's office is also working to get their services covered, so that what we've paid to them so far can go toward the deductible. They've been awesome, too.
And yes, if nothing works, I certainly will be looking at hiring a lawyer. And there's a certain ambulance chaser in this town I'm eyeing--he's got a good record against insurance companies.
Once he's finished with them, "a Jeff Stryker monster cock dildo with a suction cup base, five speeds and a kick-starter, that has been passed through a disease-infested bathhouse and every nasty fucking glory hole in the West Village" (*giggle*) will be comfortable in comparison.
Um, wow. For a minute there I was kind of embarrassed that I had to google "Jeff Stryker".
Then I googled it and was no longer embarrassed.
I forgot that the suction cup base "mounts to any non-porous surface."
Or something like that.
I saw that thing one time in this place called "Saks FIST Avenue." It was a leather shop in the basement of a butch gay bar in Atlanta called The Eagle.
I shall never forget the Jeff Stryker Monster Cock. Never!
May all insurance companies, mostly, fuck off with a festering pre-existing condition. Inflicted by the aforementioned Jeff Stryker appendage.
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