Hello. My name is Princess Mustufa Kimabashmatek. I am the recent recipient to the heiring fortune of my late father, King Kumbaga Kimabashmatek, who was unfortunate to have been killed in a recent coup by guerilla factions in the west of our country. As these forces having soon siezed the accounts of the current ruling regime, I am in need for you to help me by accepting a wire transfer in the sum of $500,000,000, of which you will be awarded half for your kind efforts in assisting me in this situation.
Yours truly with love and with God,
Princess Mustufa Kimabashmatek
Kenya
e-mail: youmustbestupid@yahoo.co.hk
The fact that I get at least ten of those a day can fuck off. The scam artists that write them can fuck off. The people who are so greedy, lazy and moronic that they actually believe there are others who just want to shovel money at them, give them free high-priced shit for no reason, or pay them to sit at home on their asses can fuck off.
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9 comments:
The sad thing is that about 5% of the people who receive that type of e-mail scam fall for it. They're mostly elderly.
Students who plagiarize can fuck right off. I told you, you little fuckwit, right at the beginning of the semester, that I can tell the difference between your writing and somebody else's. I told you that if you fucking plagiarized in a Freshman Composition II class, you'd not just fucking fail the fucking paper, but fucking fail the fucking class. Do you really think I'm that fucking stupid? That I won't fucking notice that your writing level suddenly fucking jumped from about fucking fifth grade to fucking professional? Do you fucking think I'm too fucking clueless to Google the first sentence of your fucking paper? What do you think was the first fucking site, you copy-and-paste plagiarizing little shit?
I suppose what infuriates me the most is that the papers I assign aren't that hard. It's easier to write the fucking paper than to find something on the internet that fits the assignment guidelines. Especially with having me walk them through each step of writing the paper in class, from what goes into an introduction, to how to write a strong thesis statement, to how to organize and develop their body paragraphs, to how to conclude the paper. I fucking work harder trying to teach them to fucking write a five paragraph argumentative essay than they do writing the fucking thing.
I truly don't need this shit. I'm glad I switched over to online classes when the baby was born. Otherwise, I'd probably beat the kid stupid with his own chair.
Wait--I can't beat him stupid if he's already there, can I?
Oooh! Definitely in the Val class, HH!
Yeah, too many of those scam emails going around. Some of them are a little amusing (like the one I got from "Suha Arafat" right after Ringo's ugly brother kicked it). Fortunately, the bulk of the ones I get are screened out so not too many hit my inbox.
Also, every once in a while if I have some spare time, I'll take a peek here. Very amusing, especially this one.
So my fuck off: Fuck off to the MSM. This has gotten beyond pathetic. Can't look into The Messiah™'s past and present associations at all, but can air drop 30 friggin' reporters into Alaska within minutes of the announcement. We now know more about Bristol Palin than about The One™. For chrissake, there has been more investigation into "Joe the Plumber" in the past few days than into The One™.
Oh, and fuck off to getting interrupted in the middle of writing a comment. I had more but I lost my train of thought.
Thanks, Ken! That's one of the best compliments ever!
Im with Ken, HH. Brilliantly executed FO. Altho, I must add that I find it quite soothingly therapeutic to use the CAPS key when FUCKING people OFF.
Im also with Ken on the MSM. They can all FUCK THE FUCK OFF.
Preach it, HH!
I once had a student re-take one of my classes after failing the first time. Part of the reason he failed was that he plagiarized a major paper in the class.
Well, when he took the class again, he plagiarized the paper THAT semester.
You have to be seriously stupid to do that. The only thing I said to him after giving him his second 0 was "Did you seriously think I would not check this time?"
***
I'm actually in a pretty good mood this week, so I have only one little FO: Kohl's, and particularly the people who design for the "Daisy Fuentes" line, can FO. For making blouses so crappily that even the XL size will not fit the tit-ular area of a woman with a normal-sized rack.
Kohl's, FO for nearly making me cry yesterday. And for making me believe I'd mysteriously gained 15 pounds in a week. I actually went home and re-took my measurements to see if they'd changed.
They had not.
Kohl's, you suck.
And you can also FO for choosing such an ugly color palette for this fall: burnt umber, dark eggplant, and mauve? Seriously, what was the person smoking who dreamed that up? And what was the person smoking who decreed that every-effing-top in that store was going to be in one of those three colors (if not a combination of two or more).
The state of Washington can fuck off and die, for railroading Kevin Coe for crimes that haven't even been committed yet. You do the rime, you do the time, NOT THE TIME PLUS LIFE BECAUSE THE FUCKING STATE THINKS YOU GOT OFF TOO EASY!
The Cowles family can fuck off, too, for whatever part they played in al this. I doubt it's a coincidence that Coe's father had crossed Spokane's Imperial dynasty shortly before his son was charged with 43 sex crimes.
My sales force can fuck off with dull pencil leads, for sitting on their goddamn oversized asses and waiting for fucking Christmas before selling October promotions, thereby putting production jobs at risk. Whoever gets laid off, it won't be the worthless, chairwarming salesfucks!
The high prices of prescription drugs can fuck off. I mean, my kid's sick. I have to decide whether or not to fill a prescription because you make me pay my left nut for one filling of your precious meds.
Now, I fully understand that it is not the fault (entirely) of the pharmaceutical industry. When living in SW Ga., we had good friends that worked at the (now closed)Merk plant there, some in R&D, and I realize there is a fair amount of cost covered in that prescription price. However, I also realize that the ass rapers who sue drug manufacturers because their death-bed-ridden family member passed away while taking your drug also carry a huge degree of culpability in making drugs so fucking un-fiscal.
So. Fuck off to asthma. Fuck off to Advair. But, mostly, fuck off to people who make money by skewing the fucking system.
You know, with the amount of service-based folks who get sued actually trying to help people, I wonder how long it will be until lawyers begin getting sued for losing cases? Shit, it might fix some issues.
Emily, I don't get it: those spams have been around for so long--why isn't everybody on to them by now?
YES to the FO on plagiarism. We just went through insanity with the 9th grade English class about citations--I'm still not quite sure they get it. Or why it matters.
On that note, assholes who post images of credit cards on GoogleImages can fuck off and die. (GoogleImages can FOAD for all the copyright infringement, anyway.) On top of that, I can't believe a student was looking them up, on library equipment, to get a free trial to a website for one of his projects. And he thought it was O.K., b/c it was "really good information"! I don't care if it was the resource to trump all resources--it's wrong. I explained to him that there were thousands of dollars' worth of databases, not to mention other resources, in the library. . . and he shrugged. He thought it was funny that he was able to get the CC numbers. Arrrgh.
Dang! I can fuck off, for missing the FFOT, but I took the day off from work, and was sawing, drilling, and pounding merrily away on a project at the house. That was definitely an anti-FO.
Work can fuck off, thanks to the hordes of bureaucrats who exist simply to make their presence known only when it advances their careers, and who remain silent when the boss is being told something that he does not want to hear.....even that something is SPOT FUCKING ON RIGHT. Telling me thanks in private doesn't help a whole fucking lot, by the way, dipshits.
That same boss can fuck off while playing a flaming fiddle in the center of a cheese factory in Hell with a high capacity battery rammed up his nose for that condescending, snide, and insulting e-mail that he sent my ENTIRE office, plus all of the senior staff. Yes, I told you that what the director of another region told you was wrong. Yes, I know, said other director is senior to you. Yes, the CEO wants us to support said other director. I got all that.
But he is still WRONG. We pulled out references, regulations, and asked questions of a lot of people, and I spent a lot of time carefully crafting the e-mail to respectfully tell you that he is WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG, and to offer at least a partial solution. You are an ASSHOLE ASSHOLE ASSHOLE ASSHOLE for belittling our efforts simply because you can't offer the wonderful fix to his problems you thought you could. You couldn't offer a graceful, "Thank you, I'll consider this carefully", that being bureaucratese for "Yeah, I get it, you're fucking smarter than me, smartass." That would be backhanded compliment, but I can live with that. You pissed off my people, and for that you can sit on a stainless steel grater dipped in radioactive cheese, and spin at high speed until there's a direct path from your intestines to your brain.
Now I'll get ready for more sawing, drilling, and pounding merrily away, so that Monday morning, I'm in a better mood.
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