Truck drivers. Man. Guys, I don't have anything against your profession. My best bud is a truck driver. I respect the crap you go through, but please remember that YOU DON'T OWN THE FUCKING ROAD. I'm all about being a courteous driver. I know how hard it is to see traffic and make clean lane changes. I flash lights and yield to you when I can, but get this: if you're heading east bound through Memphis along on the 40 to Nashville, you'll have to take the 240 loop. When you're within 3 miles of the 40 split, GET IN THE FUCKING LEFT LANE. If you sit in the middle lane, you will have to try and get over at the last minute. This causes traffic in the left lane to back up for two fucking miles. And if you see that traffic is backed up in the left lane, you fucking know why. BECAUSE FUCKING TRUCK DRIVERS FEEL LIKE THEY CAN CUT IN FRONT OF THAT TWO-MILE LONG LINE OF FUCKING CARS. If it were up to me, I'd make you cirles the entire 240 and come back and do it again. Fucking bastards.
People who have so little going on in their lives that they go to a meeting and then take 30 minutes of everyone else's time with their whiny complaints can FTFO.
I am fast coming to the realization that there are two kinds of people in the world: there are people who look at a problem and say, "What can I do to fix this" and there are people who say "To whom can I complain until SOMEONE ELSE fixes this."
I am the first type; with every day that passes, the second type pisses me off more and more.
In fact, people who are retired, unemployed, or independently-wealthy and who WASTE the time of people who have to work for a living - and who get precious little free time - can FTFO with extreme prejudice.
Look, buddy - you whined for about 10 minutes as to "why can't we get anyone else to volunteer?" You know why? Because every got-dang meeting, you have to flap your gums until even the really dedicated people like me are questioning whether it's worth it to continue to be part of the group.
STFU. STFU. Just write a letter to the editor. Or start a blog or something. Don't make a captive audience WHO CANNOT LEAVE THE ROOM UNTIL YOU SHUT UP AND ADJOURN THE MEETING listen to you.
Once again, assucrats are the subject of my ire. In this case, assucrats who decide that they need to build an empire at the expense of other offices, regardless of their workload and duties. And in doing so, add to the workload unnecessarily.
For that, said assucrats can fuck off with flaming donuts while rolling down a long, steep hill covered with broken glass, bubbling cheese, and hungry rats/
Actually, that's not quite right. Fuck off to driving in the rain alongside drivers who can't drive in the rain. I don't appreciate getting a tidal wave rolling over my windshield when you hit the standing water that you should have known would be there, or at least somewhere, when it's raining sheets.
Also, fuck off to the arrogant, impolite cretin driving way slowly last night, and refusing to pull over to let rational people pass, all the while drifting over to the left side of the narrow road ON THE BLIND CURVES. Dickwad.
Also fuck off to pipetting after drinking too much coffee this morning. It was not pretty.
I feel like I need to insert this here. I know this is the FO thread, but the more I think about the guys fighting the Australian brushfire, I want to yell out
Thunder shits that come up out of the diaper halfway up a baby's back to stain p.j.s, sheets, blankets, et.al., and leave his belly aching and him shaking can fuck off. Having to clean everything up can REALLY fuck off.
This stimulus ass rape that the Dems are ramming through with a bulldozer can fuck the fuck off. So can San Fran Nan's broken promise to post it online 48 hours before the vote. And so can the fact that I haven't been able to find it in anything but an unsearchable format.
Seriously, you mother-fucking rat fucking bastards, what are you hiding from us? Just how badly is this going to fuck us up, you rancid bunch of asspies? "We may never recover if we do not pass this stimulus bill," huh? It seems to me that, if you pass this fucking nuclear turd, we WILL never recover.
He's going to lose his majority in four years, and the election as well. I just hope it's not too late.
HH: I have faith that it will not be. In fact, in the mid-term election in two (well, one and eight months or so) years, I bet the Dems lose as many seats as are open.
I don't think it will be too late. Most Americans have too much sense and too much of a "I worked for it, why are you asking me to give it to pass on to the irresponsible?" mentality to just "lie back and think of England."
Being volunteered for a "special project" (in addition to regular work that I can't keep up with) can Fuck Off with PowerPoint. Mister Priapic Prius, who kept cutting off all the other drivers including moi, can Fuck Off with a rusty gearshift. The asshole on the rice rocket who kept changing lanes quickly without one turn signal can FUCK OFF! ("Share the road" indeed)
And finally, The Cold That Wouldn't Die can Fuck The Fuck Off! I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired already! This is week 5! Die, you demon-spawned cold, die!
Any and all media outlets cramming "How to Save! Saving Is in!" articles/spots/whatever down my throat can totally fuck off. With "old jewelry you can trade for cash" encrusted knobs. Saving is NOT NEW. Some of us grew up on tight budgets and have known them all our lives. I saved all fucking year to buy an iPod and you and your financial assvice are NOT going to make me feel guilty for spending the money!
HH--food allergies or sensitive digestion? Poor kiddo.
Kate, I'm with ya all the way. I grew up doing all the crap they're treating like some New Discovery.
Carry your lunch to work to save money? I've been doing that Since. I. Was. Employed. Though part of the reason is that there are no non-greasball restaurants close to me and I kind of fancy retaining my gall bladder for a few more years.
"assvice" is a very good word for it. I've more than once yelled, "Thanks a lot, Captain Obvious!" at the television or radio when they proposed something I've been doing since I was, like, 8 as a "new" way of saving money.
Oh, and all the Valentine's Day stories can FTFO. I really don't want to hear about it, thanks.
"I feel like I'm losing my mind, and I wish I wasn't."
Might as well get it out of the way now, kid.
Kate - I always hate reading those articles that promise new revelations about saving money - do your own manicures! Cut back some of your premium cable channels! Dang.
Here's my nomination, a day late: USF Dean Admits Role In Bike Theft. Because nothing chaps my butt like well-to-do people ("Rao, who makes $384,000 a year") being generous with somebody else's stuff.
Guys - I'm totally with you on the "save!" stuff. Not only that, but the annoying, idiotic people who think it's some kind of genius and helpful insight to give ideas for saving money by saying stuff like "don't buy a latte at Starbucks every morning" or "try to take in the matinees instead of the evening showings." "Go with the generic brands and buy in bulk!"
Thanks, you fucking moron. In trying economic times, don't buy stuff you don't need and bargain shop. I never would have thought of that on my own.
been a while, I know, but let's see if I can shake of the ring rust:
Pessimists can fuck the fuck off. Look, I get it, asshole, you're obviously fucking invested in shit going south, that's why you're a fucking pessimist. But don't shit on me when I tell you I'm not scared about something like global fucking warming. Not because I don't think global fucking warming is not a fucking problem (it most certainly fucking is) but because I actually have a little bit of faith left in man-fucking-kind that we'll actually figure a fucking way out of this goddamned shitstorm that we created for ourselves. Same goes for all the other shit, like the fucking economy. We shit the bed, we sowed the fucking wind, and now we're reaping the big fucking whirlwind that comes with it. Again, as much as shit is going to blow and suck in the next few years, I'm still confident that we're going to figure it all the fuck out. But my main point is don't you fucking dare call me any of the following, you whining, self-loathing pieces of shit: naive; stupid; selfish; uncaring; or any derivative thereof. Fuck you, assholes, we made it this far without you.
Second, all politicians off all stripes can fuck the fuck off. And not just on fucking principle this time. Republicans can fuck off for spending like drunken ass sailors on shore leave in Singapore or Tortuga and now having the shit stained balls to bitch about deficits, debt, and out of control spending. They can also fuck the fuck off for offering one fucking solution to every fucking economic issue there is. The Republicans in the Senate can fuck off for not voting for cloture and requiring a Senator to fly back to DC from Ohio where he was attending his mother's wake to vote for cloture, so he could then fly back for her funeral. That is not the fucking way to look like good fucking people. Democrats can fuck off for trying to do everything at one fucking time. How about you try breaking the shit up next time so everyone actually fucking knows what the fuck is in the goddamned bills. The California legislature can fuck off. California voters can fuck the fuck off for fucking up the budget through ballot initiatives. The aforementioned California legislature can fuck off again for not admitting that the fucking problem is that the entire fucking system is broken here and calling for a constitutional convention.
Third, may the financial sector continue to fuck off on flaming hot, cheese-encrusted, rusted out rod iron fence posts. Fuck you and everything you stand for, you oligarchical assholes. The fact that none of you fuckers had the decency to jump, like your predecessors did in '29 pisses me off even more. You fucked the entire world and the right fucking proper punishment for you is some mid-fucking-ieval procedure that we've long forgotten - where the fuck is the Spanish Inquisition when we fucking need it?
Finally, everyone, top to bottom, from W and Cheney to the guards at the prisons, involved in the torture of prisoners can fuck off and die, actually, death is too fucking good for you... but I won't lower myself to the same fucking shithole layer that you lowered your-fucking-selves to by going with torture. We the United Fucking State of America, you limp dickweeds, we don't fucking torture. Never. Not on any fucking occasion. Pull your fucking heads out of your fucking asses and recognize that Jack fucking Bauer is a fictional fucking character. He is not fucking real. And if he was, he'd be fucking executed you fucking shit for brains. You've completely fucked our standing in the world, you've put us on the same fucking level as China and Saudi Arabia, and all those other fuckers who torture. Fuck you, we're fucking better than that.
18 comments:
Truck drivers. Man. Guys, I don't have anything against your profession. My best bud is a truck driver. I respect the crap you go through, but please remember that YOU DON'T OWN THE FUCKING ROAD. I'm all about being a courteous driver. I know how hard it is to see traffic and make clean lane changes. I flash lights and yield to you when I can, but get this: if you're heading east bound through Memphis along on the 40 to Nashville, you'll have to take the 240 loop. When you're within 3 miles of the 40 split, GET IN THE FUCKING LEFT LANE. If you sit in the middle lane, you will have to try and get over at the last minute. This causes traffic in the left lane to back up for two fucking miles. And if you see that traffic is backed up in the left lane, you fucking know why. BECAUSE FUCKING TRUCK DRIVERS FEEL LIKE THEY CAN CUT IN FRONT OF THAT TWO-MILE LONG LINE OF FUCKING CARS. If it were up to me, I'd make you cirles the entire 240 and come back and do it again. Fucking bastards.
Circle fuckers. Circle.
People who have so little going on in their lives that they go to a meeting and then take 30 minutes of everyone else's time with their whiny complaints can FTFO.
I am fast coming to the realization that there are two kinds of people in the world: there are people who look at a problem and say, "What can I do to fix this" and there are people who say "To whom can I complain until SOMEONE ELSE fixes this."
I am the first type; with every day that passes, the second type pisses me off more and more.
In fact, people who are retired, unemployed, or independently-wealthy and who WASTE the time of people who have to work for a living - and who get precious little free time - can FTFO with extreme prejudice.
Look, buddy - you whined for about 10 minutes as to "why can't we get anyone else to volunteer?" You know why? Because every got-dang meeting, you have to flap your gums until even the really dedicated people like me are questioning whether it's worth it to continue to be part of the group.
STFU. STFU. Just write a letter to the editor. Or start a blog or something. Don't make a captive audience WHO CANNOT LEAVE THE ROOM UNTIL YOU SHUT UP AND ADJOURN THE MEETING listen to you.
Once again, assucrats are the subject of my ire. In this case, assucrats who decide that they need to build an empire at the expense of other offices, regardless of their workload and duties. And in doing so, add to the workload unnecessarily.
For that, said assucrats can fuck off with flaming donuts while rolling down a long, steep hill covered with broken glass, bubbling cheese, and hungry rats/
Driving in the rain.
Actually, that's not quite right. Fuck off to driving in the rain alongside drivers who can't drive in the rain. I don't appreciate getting a tidal wave rolling over my windshield when you hit the standing water that you should have known would be there, or at least somewhere, when it's raining sheets.
Also, fuck off to the arrogant, impolite cretin driving way slowly last night, and refusing to pull over to let rational people pass, all the while drifting over to the left side of the narrow road ON THE BLIND CURVES. Dickwad.
Also fuck off to pipetting after drinking too much coffee this morning. It was not pretty.
I feel like I need to insert this here. I know this is the FO thread, but the more I think about the guys fighting the Australian brushfire, I want to yell out
AUSSIE FIREFIGHTERS FUCK YEAH!
'Cos firefighters are incredibly brave dudes.
Hear hear!
And a hearty and heartfelt fuck off that fucking arsonist!
Thunder shits that come up out of the diaper halfway up a baby's back to stain p.j.s, sheets, blankets, et.al., and leave his belly aching and him shaking can fuck off. Having to clean everything up can REALLY fuck off.
This stimulus ass rape that the Dems are ramming through with a bulldozer can fuck the fuck off. So can San Fran Nan's broken promise to post it online 48 hours before the vote. And so can the fact that I haven't been able to find it in anything but an unsearchable format.
Seriously, you mother-fucking rat fucking bastards, what are you hiding from us? Just how badly is this going to fuck us up, you rancid bunch of asspies? "We may never recover if we do not pass this stimulus bill," huh? It seems to me that, if you pass this fucking nuclear turd, we WILL never recover.
He's going to lose his majority in four years, and the election as well. I just hope it's not too late.
HH: I have faith that it will not be. In fact, in the mid-term election in two (well, one and eight months or so) years, I bet the Dems lose as many seats as are open.
I don't think it will be too late. Most Americans have too much sense and too much of a "I worked for it, why are you asking me to give it to pass on to the irresponsible?" mentality to just "lie back and think of England."
I feel like I'm losing my mind, and I wish I wasn't. At least I'm graduating in May!
Being volunteered for a "special project" (in addition to regular work that I can't keep up with) can Fuck Off with PowerPoint.
Mister Priapic Prius, who kept cutting off all the other drivers including moi, can Fuck Off with a rusty gearshift.
The asshole on the rice rocket who kept changing lanes quickly without one turn signal can FUCK OFF! ("Share the road" indeed)
And finally, The Cold That Wouldn't Die can Fuck The Fuck Off! I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired already! This is week 5! Die, you demon-spawned cold, die!
Any and all media outlets cramming "How to Save! Saving Is in!" articles/spots/whatever down my throat can totally fuck off. With "old jewelry you can trade for cash" encrusted knobs. Saving is NOT NEW. Some of us grew up on tight budgets and have known them all our lives. I saved all fucking year to buy an iPod and you and your financial assvice are NOT going to make me feel guilty for spending the money!
HH--food allergies or sensitive digestion? Poor kiddo.
Hope you're feeling better soon, Julie.
Kate, I'm with ya all the way. I grew up doing all the crap they're treating like some New Discovery.
Carry your lunch to work to save money? I've been doing that Since. I. Was. Employed. Though part of the reason is that there are no non-greasball restaurants close to me and I kind of fancy retaining my gall bladder for a few more years.
"assvice" is a very good word for it. I've more than once yelled, "Thanks a lot, Captain Obvious!" at the television or radio when they proposed something I've been doing since I was, like, 8 as a "new" way of saving money.
Oh, and all the Valentine's Day stories can FTFO. I really don't want to hear about it, thanks.
"I feel like I'm losing my mind, and I wish I wasn't."
Might as well get it out of the way now, kid.
Kate - I always hate reading those articles that promise new revelations about saving money - do your own manicures! Cut back some of your premium cable channels! Dang.
Here's my nomination, a day late:
USF Dean Admits Role In Bike Theft. Because nothing chaps my butt like well-to-do people ("Rao, who makes $384,000 a year") being generous with somebody else's stuff.
Guys - I'm totally with you on the "save!" stuff. Not only that, but the annoying, idiotic people who think it's some kind of genius and helpful insight to give ideas for saving money by saying stuff like "don't buy a latte at Starbucks every morning" or "try to take in the matinees instead of the evening showings." "Go with the generic brands and buy in bulk!"
Thanks, you fucking moron. In trying economic times, don't buy stuff you don't need and bargain shop. I never would have thought of that on my own.
WV: catiffu. French for "cat nip."
"Consider buying the store's house brand on one or two items."
Hell, everything I buy says "Walgreens" or "Publix" on it.
Hee hee. You said "chaps my butt."
been a while, I know, but let's see if I can shake of the ring rust:
Pessimists can fuck the fuck off. Look, I get it, asshole, you're obviously fucking invested in shit going south, that's why you're a fucking pessimist. But don't shit on me when I tell you I'm not scared about something like global fucking warming. Not because I don't think global fucking warming is not a fucking problem (it most certainly fucking is) but because I actually have a little bit of faith left in man-fucking-kind that we'll actually figure a fucking way out of this goddamned shitstorm that we created for ourselves. Same goes for all the other shit, like the fucking economy. We shit the bed, we sowed the fucking wind, and now we're reaping the big fucking whirlwind that comes with it. Again, as much as shit is going to blow and suck in the next few years, I'm still confident that we're going to figure it all the fuck out. But my main point is don't you fucking dare call me any of the following, you whining, self-loathing pieces of shit: naive; stupid; selfish; uncaring; or any derivative thereof. Fuck you, assholes, we made it this far without you.
Second, all politicians off all stripes can fuck the fuck off. And not just on fucking principle this time. Republicans can fuck off for spending like drunken ass sailors on shore leave in Singapore or Tortuga and now having the shit stained balls to bitch about deficits, debt, and out of control spending. They can also fuck the fuck off for offering one fucking solution to every fucking economic issue there is. The Republicans in the Senate can fuck off for not voting for cloture and requiring a Senator to fly back to DC from Ohio where he was attending his mother's wake to vote for cloture, so he could then fly back for her funeral. That is not the fucking way to look like good fucking people. Democrats can fuck off for trying to do everything at one fucking time. How about you try breaking the shit up next time so everyone actually fucking knows what the fuck is in the goddamned bills. The California legislature can fuck off. California voters can fuck the fuck off for fucking up the budget through ballot initiatives. The aforementioned California legislature can fuck off again for not admitting that the fucking problem is that the entire fucking system is broken here and calling for a constitutional convention.
Third, may the financial sector continue to fuck off on flaming hot, cheese-encrusted, rusted out rod iron fence posts. Fuck you and everything you stand for, you oligarchical assholes. The fact that none of you fuckers had the decency to jump, like your predecessors did in '29 pisses me off even more. You fucked the entire world and the right fucking proper punishment for you is some mid-fucking-ieval procedure that we've long forgotten - where the fuck is the Spanish Inquisition when we fucking need it?
Finally, everyone, top to bottom, from W and Cheney to the guards at the prisons, involved in the torture of prisoners can fuck off and die, actually, death is too fucking good for you... but I won't lower myself to the same fucking shithole layer that you lowered your-fucking-selves to by going with torture. We the United Fucking State of America, you limp dickweeds, we don't fucking torture. Never. Not on any fucking occasion. Pull your fucking heads out of your fucking asses and recognize that Jack fucking Bauer is a fictional fucking character. He is not fucking real. And if he was, he'd be fucking executed you fucking shit for brains. You've completely fucked our standing in the world, you've put us on the same fucking level as China and Saudi Arabia, and all those other fuckers who torture. Fuck you, we're fucking better than that.
Like I said, it's been a long fucking time.
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