Sorry for being late. That "Hi, I'm Paul the Internet Guy!" who keeps spamming me no matter how many times I ask to be removed from his stupid fucking mailing list can fuck off. God, I hate these people and their spam. For fuck's sake, how many times do I have to ignore you before you get the fucking point that I am not interested in your offers to help me make millions by simply sitting on my couch and farting?
Your turn!
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39 comments:
1. That scam-place (I am SURE it is a scam) that keeps calling my phone and leaving messages claiming my car warranty is about to expire can FTFO.
I mean - it's a "No SHIT, Sherlock" situation. My car turns 10 in July. It has had its transmission replaced. It has run through TWO IAC valves. It is on its third set of tires.
Because it's a recording, and because I lack the patience to listen to the fricking thing through to the end, I have no way of stopping the damn calls. (But I'm sure it's a scam anyway, so probably asking them to stop would DOUBLE the calls)
2. The next newscaster who does a "doing more with less" story that talks about (a) packing a lunch from home, (b) skipping the expensive *$ coffee drinks, (c) working out at home or with friends instead of buying a gym membership - in other words, the boring crap that 80% of us do ALREADY - can take a flying leap into a vat of molten cheese.
(subscript to #2 - the same newscasters who make it sound like everyone in the country is on the verge of losing their home, when 91% of us are still making the payments on time, can FTFO with as many Fs as can be F'ed.)
3. Special snowflake students with NO clue but an overblown sense of entitlement can FTFO.
Crap, Ricki, all of those supposed "experts" and their stupid advice get on my nerves. To repeat your earlier sentiments, no shit, Sherlock. Cut back on stuff you don't need when money is tight? Holy moley, I NEVER WOULD HAVE THOUGHT OF THAT ON MY OWN WITHOUT YOUR WISDOM. Did you have to go to school and earn like a whole degree to become privvy to this insular knowledge?
The same goes for ANYBODY who seems to think their "insights" that are nothing more than pedestrian common fucking sense are somehow enlightening to the masses.
Does anyone else think there's something fucking creepy and Orwellian about fucking Twitter?
I have only recently learned what Twitter even is and while I hate people who have to be smug about how they reject technology out of hand without even giving it a try, I don't see the purpose of it. Do I really need to announce to the world that I am currently in the grocery store buying frozen pizza dough and shampoo?
I still have no idea what Twitter is.
It's kind of like blogging, except posts are limited to something like 140 characters, so it's really only good for letting people know little mundane things you are doing. "I am currently at Home Depot looking at plumbing fixtures," stuff like that. Most people post from their phones or other mobile devices. I personally find it useless, but if other people like it, good for them.
But, as a friend pointed out the other day, a lot of people get their updates via text messages, so phone companies must just love this shit for how much their customers spend on it.
You know, there was that kid who used Twitter to let people know he'd been arrested in Egypt. That was cool. Otherwise I really don't get the point. It's the equivalent of the "Cullen is" on Facebook. And I can do that on Facebook. And the whole world doesn't have to see it.
I've only got light fuck offs this week. Fuck off to me for continually forgetting to take the pile of books to the post office.
Yeah, I remember reading about people using it after the Mumbai attacks to let their families know they were okay and stuff, but like you said, you can do that with Facebook or MySpace, too, from the same devices just as easy. You nailed the description, though, Cullen. It is pretty much the same thing as the "status" feature on other social networking sites.
Twitter is fine for those who like it; it's just not for me.
My ONE complaint about it? A couple of the blogs I used to read have gone to a mostly-Twitter format and, Buddha on an ice cream truck, but are the posts now ever boring and banal.
140 characters is NOT enough to say things in. (Yeah, I know, the supposed meaning of life takes only two characters to express, but meh.)
Ricki,
I've also read that people who link to their Twitter accounts on their blog can have their site load slowly when Twitter's having difficulties, which apparently happens often. If you're not careful enough to put the code for it somewhere near the bottom, the that people visiting your blog will have to wait for Twitter and all of its bugs to load before they can see the rest of the content. That's annoying.
Fuck off to my dog, who I love, but who is the worst kid in obedience class. And fuck off to the trainer who glares at us for it. Duh...we KNOW she's bad. We're HERE aren't we? So tell us what to do, instead of looking at us like we're the parents of the Son of Sam or something.
Congress can fuck off. I'm just too disgusted to elaborate, but I reckon I don't need to.
WV: "coita" which is, er, um...can I be excused.
Whoa! The WV now is "hating"
I guess it's telling me there's no coita for me this weekend...
What Bingley said. That's just about what my fuck off is this week.
Galt's Gulch is looking better all the time.
WV: "biont" - Isn't that what Steve Austin was?
Twitter has a GPS function on it, too. So you know exactly where those motherfuckers are! Scary.
WV: jeshukin, God Bless you, too
WV: "dosoph" From Bill Clinton's college diary.
Those "how YOU can save money!" news reports are especially galling - thanks, clue-free jesters in the court of the One, for telling us how to save what little money we will be suffered to keep under his tender ministrations. You're really a big help.
WV: kildshi - Isn't that the chick with the big butt and bad reality show?
WV: "cozympho" what you don't want to be known as after the family reunion.
WV: "dinesses" people who dinefews should stay away from if they read my previous post.
Slow day at work, Bings?
Conference calls can fuck off. Conference calls with clueless invitees can fuck off. Conference calls with clueless invitees run by monotone voiced morons reading from PowerPoint slides can fuck off while free falling from 50,000 feet....with a can of jalepaneo sauce.
The leadership of the Dhimmicrat National Party can fuck off with rusty barbed wire dipped in habenero sauce. They know why.
And I love technology (I'm a well known technogeek in these parts). But there are some applications that I won't touch. GPS linked Twitter posts are likely a lot of fun; it just doesn't ring my bell, is all.
Barbra FUCKING Boxer can FUCK the FUCK off for FUCKING trying to FUCKING ram the FUCKING Children's Rights treaty through with a FUCKING bulldozer. I blogged on it Wednesday and yesterday over at The Anti-Soma, but the implication that I'm FUCKING GUILTY OF FUCKING ABUSING MY SON UNTIL I'M FUCKING PROVEN INNOCENT BY FUCKING U.N. LAW STILL HAS BLOOD SHOOTING OUT OF MY EYEBALLS (to quote Glenn Beck).
My FUCKING insurance company (Golden Rule) can still FUCK the FUCK off for complicating getting my son the RSV shot the neonatologist said he'd need for two years every month. The first pharmacy verified with the insurance company that they do cover that injection. The insurance company said they'd cover it through that pharmacy, until the pharmacy billed them. Then they said that they only covered it through another pharmacy. That other pharmacy went to bill them ahead of delivering the injection (smart, with this insurance), got it kicked back, and kicked it back to the first pharmacy. That first pharmacy finally figured out which pharmacy the insurance actually used, just in time for the insurance to say that they're switching to yet another pharmacy, and will not honor new Golden Rule accounts with them.
That's FOUR FUCKING PHARMACIES, you MOTHER-FUCKING COCK-BITING PIECES OF ASS-CHEESE! AT THIS FUCKING RATE, I'M NOT FUCKING SURE YOU'LL ACTUALLY FUCKING COVER THE FUCKING SHOT AT FUCKING ALL! AND I CAN'T AFFORD SIX MONTHS OF SHOTS AT TWO GRAND OR MORE APIECE!
Everything for infants being iron fortified can fuck the fuck off. My son's still breastfeeding. He's getting more than enough iron from Mom Juice, and the extra in the rice cereal he's just started is binding him up like a big (well, not so big) mouse. Listen, you chunks of ball-cheese--not everyone feeds their baby formula. Not every baby has to be fed extra iron just to be able to absorb enough. Put some food on the market WITHOUT the fucking iron.
I feel much better, now. Thanks.
wv: crizing--what my son is doing right now.
Wow, HH, your insurance company STILL sucks?
I'm not surprised but I'm sorry. And I'm sorry about the iron fortified crap. I can't take most multivitamins because the iron they add in them upsets MY stomach, and I'm a 40 year old woman. I can't imagine how worse it is for a tiny kid with digestive issues.
***
You know what else about the "doing more with less" news stories that can F off with a capital F?
The implication that we should ALL be tightening our belts, suffering, going around feeling sad.
I am fine, thank you very much. My pay has not been cut. And I live frugally to begin with, thank you very much. If I want to get a nice dinner out, I'm damn well going to do it - bad economy or no. I know I can afford it. I've budgeted for it.
I don't like the implication - which I definitely get from some of these stories - that we all need to be suffering in some way "for the good of the nation." Makes me wonder what they're going to start rationing - coffee, or chocolate, or beer? (that last wouldn't affect me, but I know some people who'd be upset).
It's like they're trying to PREPARE us for other privations - you know, the old "Oh, but you were able to live without vacations. And you were able to live without new clothes. Now you KNOW you can live without driving a car."
Ok, taking off my tinfoil hat now...
Wow, HH... That comment is Val-worthy! (Where is he, anyway? I miss him.)
wv: "peaces" ... as in "I hate those meeses to peaces"?
Insomnia and writer's block and fuck off and die Romeo and Juliet Style. I'm not quite to the point of becoming Tyler Durden, but I swear to the flying fucking spaghetti monster, I need one night of sleep where I am not consciously aware of the fact that I am "sleeping". Yes, that's how fucked my brain is right now, I fucking KNOW when I am fucking SLEEPING! Nothing fucking better than waking up fucking exhausted.
As for the rest of the world: Michael Steele really needs to fuck the fuck off. You, sir, may well be the whitest black guy I've ever seen. Stop trying to be hip-hop. Seriously, you just make yourself sound like a fuckwad, and the GOP has enough of those as it is.
Relatedly, Bobby Jindhal can fuck off. Whose brilliant fucking idea was it to put a fucking muppet on teevee to follow the president? I just can't fucking take you seriously dude, not when you don't bother to use polysyllabic words. Talk to us like fucking grown ups, otherwise get fucking used to being called Kenneth (side note: I don't even watch that fucking show and I knew what the fuck people were talking about).
This week's been filled with a metric ton of little bullshit.
The used DVD store clerk who, after witnessing me exult after finally finding a nice copy of Rashomon on DVD, still takes time to warn me "Now this is in Japanese...." You're telling me Kurosawa's Japanese? The fuck? Take my thanks, and fuck off.
The chick who practically drove her car up into my buttcrack while screaming into a cellphone this morning...far be it from my angry ass to counsel on anger management while freeway driving, but damn! I don't create life-threatening incidents but once or twice a week. Get off the phone, and fuck off.
And the new division director, who calls a meeting of all salaried people 2 days before the "urgent" meeting, who incorrectly used the word "dogmatic" maybe 7 times during what was essentially a meet n' greet yesterday? Throw away the word-a-day calendar, and please take note that there is also no such word as irregardless, you 40-year-old frat boy, take the time that your wanting to say "hi" isn't a reason to drag people 90 miles from where they work, and fuck off.
HH- =( I hate insurance companies.
~
My job can just go fuck off. Last Tuesday was shitty due to the unnecessary force of keeping up WAY past the time we should have been there (5 hours), and today sucked due to meetings where we were just treated like shit.
I'm also very tired of the incompetence that comes from a couple of my co-workers (when did blah blah get scheduled? email? no, I don't check that..) FUCK YOU. If you don't check your email, then DON'T FUCKING ASK ME FOR INFORMATION 24/7. If you don't check your email, DON'T FUCKING GET PISSED EVERY TIME YOU ARE UNAWARE OF A MEETING. If you don't check your email, DON'T GET FUCKING WHINY WHEN YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY WE "HAVE" TO DO CERTAIN THINGS AT CERTAIN TIMES.
Jesus fucking Christ monkey balls.
I use Twitter, albeit sparingly--I follow a lot of libraries/library associations/librarians, and they post links, blog updates, etc. I try to keep my "vanity tweeting" to a minimum, but it is a little fun watching my tech-crazy former mentor talk about how much she loves her new iPhone. I have no desire to get sucked into FB. At all.
I guess for me this week's FO can start with telling small offices to fuck off. Word got around very quickly that I was not happy with what the children's librarian (my supervisor? I don't even know b/c they hired me in a hurry!) did to what is supposed MY young adult section. Because she didn't like it. That can fuck off, too.
Having to attend a family funeral and then go to work tomorrow can fuck off, too.
Money woes can fuck off--I'm tired of thinking about it. Especially when the weird Volvo-driving-soccer-mom who was standing too fucking close to me at the ATM today probably stole my PIN and is ripping me off as we speak. . . O.K., I think she was just trying to get out of the wind. Or maybe she was trying to act huffy b/c she thought she should've gone first. Parking first doesn't count, dummy, and if you're gonna go in the other direction to pick up a piece of trash off the sidewalk first, then I'm going to quickly withdraw a little cash and be on my way. It's a tiny bank that I've been using for something like two decades and on the rare occasion there's someone waiting, they wait at the BOTTOM of the steps, dammit. What a freak.
Some stupid commercial on TV just reminded me: Any sentence that starts, "In these times,"/"Despite hard economic times," can fuck off. Seems as if every other sentence in the media starts that way--TV, newspapers, everything.
It's getting tiresome.
And I'd like to add, "In these difficult economic times, the Kindle is still selling out. WTF's up with that?"
Whatever Asswaffle wrote a funny little program that seizes control of the search results on someone's computer and redirects a search for, say, the Book of Ezekiel to some fornicating sales aggregator website can simultaneously commit onanism, self-sodomy, and a number of other things the Bible strongly frowns upon.
I have tried EVERY fornicating adware remover, I have run my virus scan twice, and none of them are turning ANYTHING up. I had great hopes when it said it found something called "Adware-Isearch" but it removed it and did not remove the problem.
So now when I search on crap - regardless of whether it's yahoo or google - I have to look up the address, then OPEN A NEW FORNICATING BROWSER WINDOW and MANUALLY TYPE IN the FORNICATING ADDRESS.
Thanks a lot, cheese-dipped asswaffles. I may have to take my flipping computer back to the computer guys for a directed adware-ectomy because none of my programs are finding the bugger.
I'd like to perform a penectomy, orchidectomy (that's the balls, guys), and intestine-ectomy on the turd who wrote this program.
(If anyone knows the crap program I'm talking about, and knows how to remove it, I'm all ears.)
Ricki - I hate those people who write computer viruses. Hate Them.
The scam car-warranty-expire thing - I got rid of those pests. I called the number they had in the message so that a person answered, and asked him about my car - how old is it, exactly, and when would the warranty expire? He didn't have that information. Of course you don't, I said. How could you? You got this phone number from somewhere, and you're pretending to know all about my car so you can try to sell me something. Do you not feel bad, lying to people the way you do? We had Words. Finally, somewhat shaken, he offered to take me off the list. I haven't had a call since.
KG - Valerian. You can get it at the health-food store, Walgreens, or WalMart. It's an herb and it's very safe - you can even give it to cats. Warning - it smells bad (valeric acid, for you chemical-minded folks; like all volatile organic acids it stinks)(probably why cats like it) so don't, like, open it up and stick your nose in the container. And allow yourself 8+ hours of sleep after you take one of those suckers. Usually I can take it just two or three nights in succession and that breaks the spell so that I can sleep normally again.
My week has been all right, I guess mostly. Can't complain.
Ricki, if you know the name of the program you might be able to find some specific remedies for it. If not, best bet is to back up all data and reinstall the OS from scratch. It's a royal fat freakin' pain in the ass but it might be the only way.
Laura: I have tried a different kind of herb, recently, to no avail. If things don't improve, I'll have to try this Valeran you speak of.
Gah, Ken, it's almost not worth doing then. I can just Google search anything I need at work.
HOWEVER, trying other search engines...both Yahoo and Google are hosed by this thing, but good ol' Altavista (which I used eons ago when I was in grad school) is still searching true. So I'll just use Altavista again and nuts to Google.
The power, for being off for hours today, ruining our food and other dinner plans, taking away the internet, and making the tornado sirens that much more eerie, and then coming back on only after we'd dragged all our mattresses into the living room, build a fort, and commenced playing Harry Potter Clue by flashlight.
Don't front, you know you wish you were us. You know, except for the tornados and power-outtage NO FOOD thing.
Ricki, it sounds like you've just got a browser hijacker (which many spyware and virus scanners don't catch). Go to www.kimkomando.com and look for a hijacker remover.
Do it quick. Those little bastards almost destroyed my laptop, letting in all their little trojan buddies.
Also, I've had good luck with AVG free virus scanner--it actually caught the hijacker on mine, and got the trojan/virus part of it off (even if it did take more than one time running it to get all of the little bastard). You can also get that through the same site.
Wow, thanks, HH. I've downloaded the "HiJack This" and have found a few things I need to remove.
I may have to find a computer guy, though, to help me - I still don't seem to have got the real baddie, and I'm afraid of screwing up my system by removing a registry file that's "supposed" to be there.
But GAH. The people who write this spyware need to have a cattle-prod colonoscopy.
No problem, Ricki. My husband used to sell computers, and can do a lot to make sure they keep running.
And don't worry about the hijacker removal program deleting something necessary quite so much--the nasty programs try to make themselves look like registry programs. Still, you can probably get a IT/CompSci major to help finish the fix for you without having to spend money on it.
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