Yahoo's image search function can fuck off. I'm never using it again. They've been partnered with Flickr for a while, but now they've decided to make it their primary source for all image searches, which means if you're looking for public figures or historical photos, the first 10,000 results will turn up some stranger's pictures of their Sunday picnic. Basically, it's been rendered fucking useless. Thanks, Yahoo! What a totally clueless stinking thing to do.
I'm sure y'all got much worse. The floor is yours.
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Expectations can fuck off. They're a set-up for a let-down and whopper fucking resentments and Machiavellian planning.
Apparently I should go through life being a surly fucker with zero hope, and then I'll be okay.
As for Yahoo? I have to use that piece of fucking shit since my email address of the last 10 years is on it, and there are some ass-clown show ponies on there named Heidi and Spencer who can fuck off.
Who are they? Why do they matter? Will they go get fucked to the power of infinity?
Holy crap, WILL SOMEBODY PLEASE TELL ME WHO THE FUCKING FUCK HEIDI AND SPENCER ARE AND WHY THEY ARE IN MY FUCKING FACE EVERY FUCKING DAY?
Yes, that question warranted SHOUTING.
WV: acture, not quite sure, but I'm going to pretend it's a more severe form of torture that I get to perform on fucking Heidi and Spencer and every media outlet that is inflicting these vapid idiots on me at every fucking turn.
That's my question. Who the fuck are "Heidi and Spencer"? Fortunately for me, I've been too busy to pay much attention to media so they haven't been inflicted on me at all.
Traffic can fuck off.
So can scumbag politicians, especially those with unpronounceable names.
So can Chicago.
WV: acybuc - What you sometimes hear in a low stakes poker game.
Hardware that does not work as advertised, regardless of how much tweaking, can fuck off. I wouldn't have bought your shit if I'd conducted a little due diligence before adding your shit to my shopping cart.
WV: acquart - I'm not entirely sure what a quart of ac is, but right now I like to think it's something nasty I can dump of the heads of the folks responsible for marketing my video card.
Expectations can indeed fuck off, Susanna, with an extra large helping of cheese sprinkled with bacon bits. But now I know why I am viewed by some as a surly fucker with zero hope. I never knew! :-D
As for Yahoo, I can only say, Thank GOD for POP access, and third party e-mail packages. I've mostly avoided the horrors of Yahoo as a result. Mostly.
On to my FFOT:
Continuing on a theme, work can fuck off with a rusty, filth encrusted, "Made In China" food grater up its collective ass. There's a reason why I am taking a lot of time off, and it's not just because of the "use or lose" leave policy.
It's to the point that I simply can't list all the reasons why work can fuck off. Seriously. If nothing else, someone might read this blog, and be able to zero in on my location.
Let's just say that I've publicly used the phrase "cluster fuck" to describe a CEO mandated road trip next week, and I've gotten nothing but whole hearted agreement. And that's one of the better moments.
On the bright side, I've the day plus the weekend to do as I wish, I will be attending a Christmas party, and I will be visiting family next weekend.
Plus I get to watch the Democrats squirm and spin Obama's obvious relationship with Blago -- pure gold, even if it's a sad state of affairs for our nation. One must take the good where one can find it.
I'll throw another useless, non-life altering Fuck Off into the ring, just because it seems like it's happening more and more.
Celebrities who use their personal lives to market their upcoming film/album/book/whatever in one breath and then complain about having their privacy breached in the next can fuck off. Take a lesson from some classier celebrities like Johnny Depp and his ilk. He's arguably one of the biggest movie stars in the world and you rarely hear jack-shit about his life outside of his work. Brad and Angie, Jennifer Aniston, and ESPECIALLY Michelle Williams using Heath Ledger's fucking DEATH as a pity tool to promote yourself. He's the father of your child. Have some dignity when it comes to his memory.
Seriously, you don't talk about the intimacies of your romances and family in every media outlet on the planet and then whine about wanting privacy. Fucking hypocritical idiots.
Blogger can fuck off for whatever problem it's having that ate my original comment....
Insomnia can fuck off...I'm sure that the hours of 2:30 to 6:30 are nice somewhere, but in this corner of the world they are turdy and irritating.
However, it is the best time to wander around the Wal Mart. I bought a pomegranate. I never have before. So, there is a silver lining.
My students can fuck the fuck off for being complete douchebags in a saga I don't want to go itnto right now, except to say that it involves mutiny, escalation, and talking to the wrong people deliberately and now I have to put out the fucking fire. As usual. I bust my ass for these spineless little weasels and they shove a two foot fucking cleaver in my back. Kiss my ass.
This economy can fuck off with rusty knobs and jumping stockbrokers. I'm doing two people's jobs at the office because someone else got downsized, and while there doesn't seem to be any danger of being laid off myself, this is not a terribly stable industry right now and the company could run into trouble any time. So uncertainty can fuck off wholeheartedly.
Scheduling the office Christmas party smack in the middle of the busiest time of the year can fuck off. Would it kill them to wait one more week when we can get out of the office in time to get there before the food is cold?
The human toothaches who put up atheist signs next to creche scenes can fuck off. Look, I don't care if you believe as I do or not. Believe what you think best. But insisting on your little disclaimer/tantrum next to each and every religious symbol isn't taking joy in your own beliefs; it's just meant to suck the joy out of everyone else's. It's like drawing mustaches on pictures.
WV: Inches - the distance I am from choking the shit out of the next coworker that gets within arm's reach of me.
Joel,
Fundamentalist atheists can fuck off any time of year. At Christmas, doubly so. Look, assplows, you're being just as judgemental, close-minded, smug and self-righteous as the people that you criticize. Fundies do not represent the whole of the faithful. Most do not shove their religion in your face. Stop shoving your lack of it in theirs. I respect your right to your beliefs. Don't get in my face about mine.
Rejected journal manuscripts and those that reject them can fuck off. I HATE rewriting. I HATE resubmitting. I especially HATE sitting in my office three days before I go on Christmas break trying to rewrite a paper that SHOULD HAVE BEEN accepted because it was a DAMN SIGHT BETTER than the other crap the journal has published recently. I just want to play. I want to go home and pack for vacation. I don't want to move big chunks of text around, dump stuff I've already rewritten 10 times, try to reformulate the thing into something the stupid journal apparently does want.
And the whole "publish for promotion" pressure can fuck off. In my department, we are on campus more hours in a week than ANYONE else. We work harder than ANYONE, practically. I've regularly taught unpaid overloads that would make people in other departments through a tantrum. And I've done it without complaining.
If I don't make full professor there is no fucking justice in the world.
Also, the crap heating systems on this campus can fuck off. We've already been warned to "dress warmly" for graduation. Crap.
The only reason I know who Heidi and Spencer are (and the magnitude of their ass-clown-ity) is because I watch "The Soup" for my weekly dose of comic relief at the expense of pop culture. And I'm with Susanna--they can totally fuck off.
I'd like to give a preemptive FO to anyone who thinks a great follow-up to congratulating me on getting my master's is, "So, do you have a job yet?" or (worse) "Do you think you'll be able to get a job?" Just- get a filter, O.K.? That doesn't express friendly concern by any stretch of the imagination, because it already GOES WITHOUT SAYING that I'm looking for a job. Please, just wish me well, or stop at congratulations. It's really O.K. to do that.
(I hope all the regular FFOT people understand I don't mean you; you guys are cool!)
"Get a filter, OK?"
Great line. So great, I might just steal it. (And share it with brother and sister-in-law, for when she gets the inevitable, "So when are you going to start having kids" from her mom)
Ive got no issues with my week because, well, you know, because:
http://www.babalublog.com/archives/010811.html
I'd also like to add:
The mark-up on cable prices at most chain stores can fuck off. They're damn a/v cables, not some gold-fucking-plated garrotes or somesuch.
When I upgraded by TV, I bought a 25' HDMI cable online because Wal-fucking-Mart or Radio shack want to charge me $40 for a 6' cable. Know how much I was able to find it online for? Under $10. After shipping it was still under $20.
I also had to go online for a toslink cable long enough to go from the TV to my sound system. A 12-footer was sufficient, but was I even able to find a toslink cable longer than 6' at W-f-M, Radio Shit or Worst Buy or Ciruitous City? No. And they want $40 or better for those 6' cables. Fuck you! I found it online and with shipping it was just under $20.
Anyone interested in making a mint could open a cable store and price their stuff reasonably.
Fuckwads with frontal lobe damage who cannot access their filters can fuck off.
WV: tronse - which is eerily similar to trounce... which is what I would like to do to myself for not realizing I could have been using that which JeffS (the artist formerly known as TheRealJeff) suggested - the Mac third-party email system all this fucking time - which indicates frontal lobe damage on my part
I take it back. I want to severely trounce the Disney Company for ever introducing that Miley Cyrus person. Whose smug face is now on the Yahoo front page at this very moment. Countdown to her sex tape, DUI, crack smoking, Vegas wedding...
I will now go learn to use my email.
Susanimal,
Miley Cyrus - UGH. Fuck off to any celebrity who is so fucking cluelessly full of themselves that it doesn't occur to them that other people might not want to look at their fucking mug EVERY STINKING FUCKING PLACE THEY GO. And yes, I understand the paparazzi douches can be overbearing, but I'm talking about the regular media and the things these people have control over. You are not famous by accident. There is a machine behind your career and some people have theirs working overtime around the fucking clock.
VH-1 and MTV can fuck the fuck off, on air, with a hip and edgy ad campaign to draw viewers to their well-earned, ignominous demise.
What happened to actual music videos in your programming? Instead we get "My Super Sweet Sixteen"? And sadly, this is NOT the smelliest soggy turd in the craptacular.
It's called "Real Chance for Love," and it "stars" two c-list brother wannabe gangsta fo' realz NITWITS (one of whom is certainly on the show to find a beard, not a wife). The one and only episode Ladybug and I had the misfortune to stagger across was so numbingly offensive and crass as to beggar belief. I turned into Keyser Soze right there on the couch: it made me want to punch the leads, and the girls, and all their parents, and their pets, and the advertisers, and anyone involved with these talent-free mewlers. I had to punch myself for watching even half of this pile of rancid sloth vomit.
The brothers' "challenge" to the ladies this week - I shit you not - was to stage an obviously staged bar fight, get "arrested," and then spy on the girls as they were "interviewed" to see who would lie convincingly enough to keep them out of fucking jail... and FUCK YOU, VH-1, for making it necessary for me to even type those words, much less remember any of it. This makes "SS16" look like fucking HAMLET. I wanted a setting on my DVR, sort of an anti-"Save Til I Erase" - a setting that would destroy all copies of this program everywhere on earth, and set the master copies on fire. You miserable pus-brained turd-munching twerps can fuck the fuck off with faux bling dipped in habanero sauce and cactus spines, shoved way up your asses where your brains would be, if you only had more than the bare minimum to keep you wasting all of our oxygen.
And a bonus fuck the fuck off to the Day the Earth Stood Still remake. If Klaatu and Gort really wanted to be fucking useful they could use their special effects powers to make my first fuck-off a reality. I'm sick of hearing in one breath how my faith makes me a contemptible, guilt-ridden troglodyte, and then in the next breath that I don't feel nearly guilty enough for the alleged sins of other people. Fuck you Hollywood.
(w/v - 'sylsnef' - the name of a third, smart alien, coming to Earth to serve up generous glasses of Wake the Fuck Up and Get Over Yourself, thus making us all happier and healthier. Sylsnef, barada nicto!)
Damn, I'm so mad about this I misspelled "ignominious." Fucking douchenozzles.
SO, I guess VH1 is just following MTV's path?
Gah, that sucks. You know, I've been saying all along that this digital transition and the availability of high-def doesn't mean squat if we're still getting crap programming. A turd doesn't look any nicer shot in high-def.
Oh, I know, there are good programs out there, but 90% of it is pure drek. (At least most of the programs out there don't actively celebrate having no morals, which is what it looks like that VH1 program does).
I've watched bits and pieces of My Super Sweet 16 and I can tell you that I would happily drop-kick any of those bee-hotches. Seriously. Entitlement, much, girls?
MY super-sweet 16 involved a dinner out at Chi-chis with three of my high school friends, and I thought that was a pretty sweet deal. Some of the chicks on that show are spending more on their parties than my parents spent on their first house. And that just ain't right.
Infant Prevacid packets can (sort of) fuck off. Yeah, it works better than Zantac, and he likes it, but the extended release granules clog the bottle nipples--even the high flow ones. So, Prevacid can sort of fuck off for making me feed my son 60 ml of breast milk mixed with the packet with a FUCKING 5 ML MEDICINE SYRINGE. IT TAKES FOR FUCKING EVER, ALSO CLOGS IF I'M NOT CAREFUL, MAKES A HUGE FUCKING MESS OF ME, THE BABY, AND WHATEVER THE BABY SPITS UP ON, AND MAKES HIM SWALLOW A LOT OF AIR THAT HE WON'T BURP WHICH CAUSES AWFUL COLIC THE NEXT DAY!!!
But he hasn't been screaming in pain, so I'll put up with the mess until I find a better way to deliver the medicine.
Cullen, I feel for you. Prices are so bad for store bought cables (and selection SUCKS) that I went on line years ago.
Kate -- congratulations on the Masters! I know what a load of work that is.
Oh, I know, there are good programs out there, but 90% of it is pure drek.
For that you can thank the profusion of channels. The percent of talented writers and producers did not increase with the infusion of bandwidth. It was tiny before, and it's tiny now. The result is that the average nose dived into the sewer. I'd rather watch reruns of "Green Acres" than torture myself with most of the available channels. My eyeballs can take only so much bleaching.
I guess we can thank those militant atheist twatwaffles for this. Fuck you very much, you human shoe-gum, for bringing these fuckwits into our time zone. Are you fucking happy now?
Jeff - it's not just the lack of writing talent. Reality shows actually have "writers," peopel who come up with the scenarios and stuff. Part of the reason there's so many of these stinking shows on TV is that they're relatively cheap to produce. There are no high-priced stars to pay, they can pretend the writers aren't really writers, there are no elaborate sets to build, etc. etc. They don't need a large audience to turn a profit on these shows, so it's just too tempting for producers to turn away from putting them out as opposed to making dramas or comedies.
I'm sure the public appetite for this bullshit will eventually wane enough for reality TV to not be worth its cost. That day just can't come soon enough for me. I'm not a snob about it and if other people enjoy it, whatever. I just can't stand the shit.
WV: busnarta. Bless you.
I really wish WBC would do something dumb that would get their tax-exempt status (if they even HAVE it) revoked.
They are to Christianity what a turd is to a chocolate bar.
So, Phelps and his buddies can FTFO, from me, with a jingle bell and a red hat on it. And coal. Lots and lots of coal. Really rough spiky coal.
Lots and lots of coal. Really rough spiky coal.
And on fire, ricki. Nothing is too bad for those assholes.
Emily, I hear you. I've watched bits of a couple of those reality shows (while on the exercise machines at the gym), and it's like, "What the fucking fuckity fuck fuck is going on here?!!!?!?!? Who is so stupid as to go on TV with those issues?"
That's when I smack myself, after realizing the answer is on the boob tube in front of me!
But have you seen some of those "made for TV" movies, such as what the SciFi channel is pooping out? They make "Plan 9 From Outer Space" look good. Except that they do have a higher budget for special effects.
I haven't seen them, Jeff. But I kind of like cheesy, campy TV. I'd probably enjoy them for their badness.
Reality TV I can't really get in to. The closest I've come is maybe watching a couple episodes of "American Idol" at the start of the season; I find the cluelessly talentless contestants very, very amusing. Like, don't they have family or friends and people that love them to tell them they can't sing and that they shouldn't go on TV to make an ass of themselves?!?!
The lowest for me had to be the Paris Hilton "be my new BFF" contest show. Seriously, if you want to be friends with Paris Hilton bad enough to enter a competition over it, you are just fucking retarded. Period. No argument.
Like, don't they have family or friends and people that love them to tell them they can't sing and that they shouldn't go on TV to make an ass of themselves?!?!
Heh! I sometimes think people do that, knowing they can't perform worth a dang, just so they can get on TV.
Have you ever watched it, Jeff? No doubt, that's true for some, but there are people who genuinely get pissed off when the judges tell them they suck, storming off and complaining about how they can't recognize talent when they see it, stuff like that. It's totally frickin' hilarious.
I actually had a good week.
Not as good as Val's.
Have you ever watched it, Jeff?
Very little, Emily. I just remember The Gong Show, where it seemed people where there for laughs. But that was a loooonnnnggggg time ago.
Maybe I should check out Idol.....
I'll be in surgery tomorrow, so I'll level my fuck off today.
FUCK OFF to fucked-up backs. Fuck off to surgery. Fuck off the clinics who try and rape you on the bill.
However, a most hearty unfuck to recovery and pain medication.
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