entitlements

Right now, personal frustrations center around territorial behavior of a young boy, and the whiplash-inducing vacillation between snuggling the puppy when she's sleeping and screaming in terror when she's awake that the pixie has been indulging in.  And I will not tell my own kids to fuck off.  So, my topics tend to be either lists of things that have gotten on my nerves in the news or in my classes.

Like this.  The federal government encouraging people to get on food stamps.  That fucking pisses me off so hard that my eyeballs are twitching.  Here's the money quote: "Everyone wins when eligible people take advantage of benefits to which they are entitled."

Umm...fuck no.  You fucking fuckwads are fucking encouraging fucking losers that can pay for a fucking iPhone, but not their kids' food, to fucking sign up to FUCKING TAKE MONEY OUT OF MY FUCKING POCKET THAT I FUCKING USE TO FEED MY KIDS, JUST TO FUCKING GIVE IT TO PEOPLE THAT ARE FUCKING GAMING THE FUCKING SYSTEM!!!!  You fucking fuckstick cockleaches are of the opinion that "Each $5 dollars in new SNAP benefits generates almost twice that amount in economic activity for the community," BUT HOW MUCH DOES IT FUCKING COST TO FUCKING PUT A GUN TO THE HEADS OF EACH AND EVERY FUCKING TAXPAYER TO PAY FOR THE COCK-JUGGLING THUNDER CUNTS* MILKING THE FUCKING ENTITLEMENT FUCKING PROGRAMS FOR ALL THE REST OF US ARE FUCKING WORTH?  HOW FUCKING MUCH OF MY FUCKING MONEY ARE YOU FUCKING USING TO PAY FOR TAKING IT FROM ME TO GIVE TO THOSE WHO ARE TOO FUCKING IRRESPONSIBLE TO FUCKING GO TO THE FUCKING COUNTY HEALTH DEPARTMENT FOR FUCKING FREE CONDOMS?

Mr. Obama, you have, indeed built that.  I hope you are fucking proud of yourself, and that your mother is fucking burning in fucking hell for not aborting you, you fucking spoiled fucking rotten, fucking nasty-tempered, fucking ego-driven, fucking lying fucking bastard.  

*Thank you, Blade III, for that lovely, descriptive turn of phrase.

Ingratitude

I am about ready to stop fucking giving any fucking feedback on fucking everything except the fucking papers.  The papers are in my contract--the blogs and the discussion board aren't.  I tell students in the grade book why they don't get the full points when they don't fucking pay attention to the fucking instructions and do the entire fucking assignment fucking correctly the first fucking time.

And the little fucktards email me whining "Whyyyy didn't I get full credit???  I don't unerstaaaaannnddd!!!"

Because you didn't fucking follow the fucking instructions.  Go look at your fucking grade book before you fucking bother me.

And those who pester me with "But you didn't grade my stuff and leave me feedback the minute I did the assignment!"  Y'all can fuck right the fucking fuckety fuck off.  Your fucking shit is not the only fucking thing I have to fucking grade.  If you want me to fucking do it NOW NOW NOW, you will not fucking like your fucking score because you CAN'T FUCKING DO ANYFUCKINGTHING FUCKING RIGHT, you stupid, fucking mouth-breathing fucking MORON.

Those who complain about those who are working full time plus volunteering forgetting one small part of their volunteer work can either turn that volunteer work into a fucking paid fucking position or shut the fuck up when your unpaid helper who volunteers non-existent free time (incidentally, this does not make them your slave, or your bitch) messes something up.

And to family: I buy you groceries because I fucking feel sorry for how stupid you are.  Your choices have been what's caused you to go hungry.  Do not whine about the fact that those fucking groceries aren't the goddamn fucking name brand.  Or that it's the wrong thing, and you don't eat that.  Grow the fuck up, get a fucking job, and buy your own damn groceries.  Because I'm fucking done. 

miscellaneous

• Getting up to walk a puppy at four a.m. can fuck off.  With cheez.  

•  Not being able to get to sleep before midnight, for whatever reason, when I know I'm going to be getting up at 4:00, 6:30, and for the last time at 7:00 can take a flying leap off the purple people-eater from my nightmare between 6:30 and 7:00, and swan dive into an indigo fuck off.

•  Students who can't read a schedule of due dates, assignment sheets, or step-by-step instructions with pictures to fucking do something fucking right the first fucking time can fuck off--but they probably won't know how, and would want someone to do it for them.  

• Politicians and politics.  And people who are fervent true believers in a particular political ideology to the point that they're still campaigning for Toad Akin can fuck right the fucking fuckety fuck off.

• Cancer.  Cancer can fuck off and die.  

• Obamacare, its authors, and each and every fucktard fuckstick that fucking voted for it, as well as that traitorous fuck on the fucking Supreme Fucking Court can fuck off so hard that their ancestors and  descendants to the eighteenth generation can feel violated.  You fucking cockbiting fuckbaits just fucking insured that we won't fucking find a fucking cure for any-fucking-thing, much less fucking cancer.  

• Entitlement spending, and the proponents thereof, can fuck off with a copy of Dave Ramsey's collected works on how money works, how to create and maintain a budget, and how to get out (and stay out) of debt turned sideways, folded until it's all corners, and jammed up their collective ass, just like they've done with the debt to the rest of us.

• Meetings, bureaucrats, paperwork, and stupid hoops to make the bosses feel like their job is more important than the workers' jobs can fuck off.

another list

• Ragweed.  Ragweed can definitely FTFO.  
• Kids' allergies when they're under six, and there aren't really a lot of options for treatment.
• Getting up every three hours to walk the dog, no matter how cute she is.
• Webinars useless to actually teaching can FTFO.
• And, like Ricki, Speshul Snowflakes.  Mine are their own computer problem.

the week's issues

I'm a little busy for a proper send-off--so far, I've gotten about two or three papers graded, and of those, the best has been a B that required quite a bit of feedback.  The worst?  An F.  The poor student wrote the paper by the rules of African-American Vernacular English (otherwise known as Ebonics), instead of American Standard English.  So that student's teachers can fuck the fucking fuckety fuck off--with the standard cricket bat coated in broken glass with a nice battery acid lubricant--for serving them so very poorly because they're black and obviously won't be able to learn any better, so why bother?  Fuck that shit--I could tell by the ideas behind the paper that the student's intelligence was well above average.

Islamofacism can fuck off with a napalm coated ICBM jammed into its collective prostate.  Kill our ambassadors, will you...

And finally, our state department can fuck off so hard that eighteen generations of the descendants of the ones who were FUCKING fully FUCKING aware that there were fucking security breaches fucking endangering our fucking diplomatic staff.

a list

• Speshul snowflakes that whine, "I don't know hoooowwww!  I can't dooo it!  You have to help me!" while really meaning that they want their teachers to do whatever for them (and yes, there is an easily discernible difference between students who genuinely don't understand what I'm asking, and the ones that pretend they don't).  

• Barack Obama.  Because the one job on the national stage that should not be landed because of affirmative action is the job of President.  It's now going to be very difficult for any other black man or woman to go for that job, because they're going to be assumed to be a failure no matter how competent and brilliant they are.  Thank you for that, you fucking mouth-breathing moron.  You may be smarter than Joe Biden, but then again, so is a pile of pig shit.  

• Parents who don't bother to raise their own children, and then gawp at me for my choices to work at home: "Oh, I couldn't possibly do that!  I'd go crazy in a week!"  Wow...way to admit in front of your kids that you can't stand them...you do realize that it's entirely your fault that your kids are whiny, badly-behaved, spoiled-rotten little shits, right?

• Family that makes you feel like shit because you don't live like they think you should.

• People who get a new pet, go into raptures for a couple weeks over how wonderful the new pet is, then do an abrupt 180 after the "new" wears off.  

• Last, but not least, people who do nothing to try to better their circumstances, either because it's "too hard," or because "people around here don't like me, so nothing I can do will change anything" or because of any external excuse they can think up (racism, sexism, ageism, etc.). 

miscellaneous

A little too tired this morning for a proper rant.  This is what's been bothering me this past week.

• I'd like to find whoever/whatever tied the muscles in my back just below my shoulders into a tight, painful knot...and return the favor.  With interest.  

• Odysseus has been scheduled to work 'til midnight two days in a row (last night and tonight), then 'til eleven.  I'd say his manager could fuck off, but she already did--she either was fired, or quit to avoid being fired.  

• Students whining "I don't understand!!!  Tell me exactly what to do!!!"  Especially when it's "What do you want us to link for the persuasive posts?"  Sorry--I won't do your thinking (or your work) for you.  And if this is what you're going to be like all semester, you're not going to do well.  Fuck off now, and it won't hurt your GPA.

• Politicians making light of things they can't possibly understand (I'm looking at you, Todd Akin, and you, Tom Smith) can fuck right off. 

There are other things, but I'm too sleep deprived (as well as coffee deprived, at the moment) to think of them.  As always, rant away in the comments.  That's what these are here for.