Dumbasses who are working with new, idiot-proof computer programs that can't be bothered to figure anything out for themselves and expect me - someone who has to take the time to do the same - to walk them through it while I'm learning myself can fuck off. You have a brain. I know this. You wouldn't be breathing without one. Figure it out on your own. I'm not your third grade teacher.
And no, Adobe, for the last fucking time, I do not want to upgrade. Every time I do, your "improved" version fucks my shit up big time. I hate you. Fuck off.
And away y'all go...
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My laptop can fuck off. I could have sworn I set it to only notify me that updates were available, not download and install them for me. I hate, hate, HATE being in the middle of something, and the computer decides it's time to restart.
Obnoxious dweebs who remain bitter about not getting a job THREE FUCKING YEARS later can insert a rusty chainsaw where the sun don't shine, and proceed to fuck off while reading bad poetry.
GET. A. FUCKING. LIFE. CRAPWEASEL. Lying, stirring the pot, and sucking up to the senior executives might make you feel good, but it does the organization no good, and you are fucking over people WHO DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU. Until you stuck your head in the door 6 weeks ago to tell them what to do about a certain situation, right out of the blue. Remember? I was right there, creep.
So deal with it. Retire. JUST FUCKING WELL FUCK OFF WITH EXTREME PREJUDICE.
Oh yeah, second all of the above.
We have an instrument at work that requires a prep process of about 45 minutes. It's only necessary once a week UNLESS the computer loses contact with the instrument (like an update restart) in which case the whole prep process is required again. Obviously, the updates were set strictly to manual after the first episode of this.
I don't really have any personal ones this week - it's been a pretty good one - but I'll issue one blanket one that is always and forever true:
Cancer can FOAD.
For that matter, Bell's Palsy can FO. I have a friend who is now afflicted with it and she feels horrible and doesn't even want visitors because she thinks she looks bad. Even though the people who matter won't care, and the people who would care don't matter. So FO to Bell's Palsy and may hers go into remission very soon.
Ricki,
When I was in college, one of the girls on my floor "got" Bell's Palsy. She wasn't the most confident of girls in the first place, but having half her face paralyzed (and wearing an eye patch) (and dealing with the drool), well, that was beyond horrible. I felt so sorry for her.
She ended up going home for the rest of the semester and riding it out at home.
So yeah, FO Bell's Palsy.
TW: Quiterth. The Lisper's Quidditch.
Winnerth never quit?
Raising teenagers can fuck off. Twain had it right: lock 'em in a barrel and feed 'em through the bunghole. There had better be some damn fine grandchildren coming out of all this someday.
Clients who order a project that force me to spend several fucking days negotiating the learning curve and then cancel before it was even to go live, can fuck off with fiberglass-insulation-covered doorknobs.
WV: vinestea - an 80's prime-time soap opera following the doings of a wine-growing family.
The male hysterics in my yoga class can fuck off with pink headbands and nut-hugger bike shorts and glistening male hysteric sweat. This is a *class* daddies. If you want to improvise or otherwise put your hot moves on display, don't attend a *class* where you are to receive fucking *direction* and follow instructions.
You're fucking with my zen or chi or whatever.
Oh, and cancer. Yes. I wandered into a cancer shockstorm when last home. Fuck if the mother of my siblings isn't fighting Stage 4 like a warrior. She's not going to win, but she's a winner. She's a laugher and a lover.
And fuck off with rancid 7-11 nacho cheese to my damned fucking psycho secret squirrel sister for being a horse-thief divisive velociraptor bitch. Too much to explain, except perhaps... is it too much to ask that you not sue your parents and your 5 siblings while your own fucking mother is dying you cunty cuntbag? You're in a nutty rabbit hole of insanity of your own making you douchenozzle. Have some respect. And try to show up sober to your kid's high school graduation, m'kay? If you can possibly pull yourself away from banging the gate guy or perchance the guy who has to go to jail on the weekends for vehicular manslaughter. Or any of the women you're doing, too. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Smirk.
And maybe TRY to visit your mom before she dies. I did, and she's not even my own mother. Try it. It's called being a little less selfish. And fuck off while you're at it.
And huzzah to my friend Dale for giving prostate cancer the side-eye and kicking it in the nuts this week. Fuck yeah!
After Susanna's, well... I got nothing. That's shocking and horrible. I even feel kinda slimy for applauding the superb quality of your rant. Othewise I'd be spazzing and emoting like Bruno on Dancing with the Stars.
TEN!!!!1!!one!
w/v - shoniti - alolmes' cohost on Fox News.
She's spectacularly awful, my sister T.
She sent a text message to all of us that said, "FYI, mom's gonna die in June. My spiritual advisor told me this."
FYI. Do you like that? F.Y.I.
So now all of our texts (amongst the rest of us) are prefaced by "FYI." When we remember.
It would be helpful to get her off the medical power of attorney, though. That's complicated, because her mother is still trying to give her a soft place to fall. She's fairly easy to find on the weekend... packing her nose with the coca and slugging the drinks at the beach with her "friends."
And the lawsuits, my God.
Bitch, please.
WV: culacotr (hmmm?)
Dear Susanna's Sister,
FYI: you're a fucking douchehole.
Man, these are some righteous FOs. CCFOAD a million times over.
I've been saving up since Wednesday to say that Crabby Computer Woman at my library can fuck off languidly with her computer mouse (not ours) and browser windows full of shoes/handbags/muu-muus. For the same amount of hours she occupies the public computers, every darn week. I swear she makes the library so unpleasant--I thought it was just me, but I broke down and told the head of Circulation about the turf wars incident from Wednesday, and she said, "Oh, you mean Blondie?" So apparently Blondie has been spreading her faded blond sour times around for a while now.
WV: "laila." Must be the programmer's girlfriend or something.
Jeez, Susanna, I can only second your righteous FO. With awe.
Susanna's sister,
FYI -- You're a cunt.
Sincerely,
The World
Job interviews and the nerves accompanying them can fuck off. World's tough enough without my own brain coming up with ways to sabotage myself.
How to tell them I don't mind working 45 or 50 hours, but don't want to work 60...
Long-distance hugs for Ricki and Susanna. CCFOAD, Bell's Palsy CFOAD.
And fuck off gently with a chainsaw to the Evil Sister.
FYI, to those with whom I am facebook friendly on here, she's the only absentee Jenney sibling. FYI. All of us are there - her kids, nephews, cousins, nieces. The fucking lot.
She is, however tagged in a few of my pics. Sprawled all over the rest of us with big lips and tits.
FYfuckin-eye.
I recall when Trey met her, my mother said, "So, uhh, Trey, what did you think of Susie's sisters?"
And he said, "Well, MH and Ann were very amusing... but I was completely unprepared for Tricia."
Very diplomatic, eh?
Cuntbucket.
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