Friday, June 5, 2009

Your Fuck Offs Can Fuck Off

I don't have anything this week, but I'm sure some of you guys do. Whatever you think should fuck off, I think should fuck off. Mostly.

Go at it.

25 comments:

Cullen said...

I have to go sit in a three-hour focus group in about 20 minutes. That can fuck off.

Otherwise, everyone have a good weekend.

The Fifth String said...

Terminally stupid people can fuck off. Like this "heartbroken" woman.

punishyourma said...

Bad link, Ken.

ricki said...

I'm gonna cross post mine (it's on Ken's comment above) in case Ken was actually planning to post his QOTD on his own blog. Because I don't want to lose the FO for this week:

Here's mine:

IDIOTS - FLAMING IDIOTS - that go into customer service jobs can FTFO. I am talking about the kind of people who cannot find their asses with both hands. People who, when you ask them a question that they are SUPPOSED to be able to answer, seeing as they are CUSTOMER SERVICE, and they stand there with their mouth open and you SWEAR you can hear the little hamster wheel in their head turning slower and slower.

Those people. They can FTFO with extreme prejudice, because they made the errands I had to run this morning each take three times longer than they do when I get someone who actually has TWO CONNECTED NEURONS in their whole brain.

I DO NOT LIKE having to explain THREE TIMES what it is I need you do to for me. I am sure I am not the first prescription you ever filled. I am sure I am not the first person wanting to know where you have hidden the recycling bins this week.

If this level of stupidity is the result of smoking too much pot, drinking too much Wild Turkey, or huffing the stuff in your dad's garage, might I recommend you either cut back - or increase your dosage sufficiently to get fired?

And an FTFO to the businesses that hire these losers: unemployment is what? 12%? Surely among pool of job-seekers you can find someone whose elevator goes all the way to the penthouse.

Stupid people. Gah, how I hate them.

The Fifth String said...

Well rats. Here it is.

And I just now noticed that I put that other post in the wrong blog. Fuck off to Fridays.

punishyourma said...

And the Val P. Award for the Best Fuck Off of the Week goes to...Ricki! Even this early in the day, I doubt anyone is going to beat that.

The Fifth String said...

A wise move, Ricki. Rule of thumb: If one of my posts here looks out of place, it probably is.

The Fifth String said...

Oh yeah, Emily, Ricki won the thread already.

JeffS said...

Idiot CEOs still can fuck off. With extreme prejudice. While playing a banjo on an electric chair.

Along the same lines.....there's this guy in the regional office who holds a position that the aforementioned idiot CEO holds in some esteem. He expects certain things from this guy (in spite of never, as far as I know, ever having spoken with each other).

But the regional guy is fucking, low life, good-for-nothing, incompetent, numb nuts moron who couldn't find his butt with both hands and a compass. I do not exaggerate. He has the job because of some oddball personal connection. He does nothing but sit on his ass, collect pay and benefits, and pretend to be important.

And when the idiot CEO expects something from this dude, and it doesn't happen, I GET FUCKING SLAMMED FOR IT. So the idiot CEO as well as the regional idiot can fuck off with a rusty speculum while dancing on red hot coals in the middle of a huge pond of gasoline.

Y'all have a nice weekend!

JeffS said...

Bravo, Ricki! Bravo!!!

punishyourma said...

I'd also like to add to Ricki's FO - people who go into customer service that have unpleasant personalities or otherwise do not like working with the public can fuck off. I know that it can be difficult. I've done it. People can be rude, demanding, selfish, petty and outright MEAN, but come on. If you are not a people person, if you do not like being friendly and pleasant with others, get a fucking job where you don't have to deal with that. You have no business working in a customer service position. You're miserable and you're making those who have to deal with you miserable. There are plenty of other types of jobs. Go get one.

Lisa said...

Doggie Cancer can Fuck Off. We had to put our dog down on Monday.

THAT SAME DAY some "Religion of Peace" fucktard shot a 23-year-old Army private at our local recruiting office.

It's been a bad week.

punishyourma said...

Aw, Lisa. That sucks. I hope your boys are handling it okay.

Heroditus Huxley said...

"I want daddy" days that have the boy screaming as loud as he can, and as fast as he can draw breath, where nothing I do can get him to stop, and lasts ALL DAMN DAY can fuck off. I was fried all day Tuesday after that lovely day. I think he had a nightmare, and he's only eight months old.

On the upside, at least I got a new gun this week... No fuck offs, there, except to my willpower. We really didn't need to have spent that $120.

ricki said...

Wow, I almost feel like I should return my award, seeing as the strongest actual word I used was "ass" - and you hear that regularly on King of the Hill.

punishyourma said...

Naw, Ricki. We know you don't like to curse as a general rule of politeness. We have several FO'ers like that and we're cool with it.

nightfly said...

Lisa - that's so sad... I'm sorry.

Doggie and regular cancer can both FTFOAD, with glowing chemo knobs.

On a less serious note, Tony LaRussa is suing Twitter. Someone fake-tweeted a bunch of stuff from him - while making it obvious that it wasn't the real Tony LaRussa - and one or two of the jokes referenced drunk driving. Tony is suing for damage to his reputation and emotional distress.

Frankly, Tony, you can take this lawsuit and cram it sideways up your tight sphincter. Yeah, fake-tweeting that "At least none of our pitchers died" is a little rough... but that pitcher happened to kill himself driving with a BAC of .15. This came one scant month after you yourself was busted for falling asleep on your own drive home, with a BAC of .09 or so. You are fucking stupidly lucky that you didn't kill yourself the way your reliever did - or worse, killed someone ELSE.

I have a great deal of sympathy for Nick Adenhart and his friends, losing their lives at the hands of a worthless stooge who selfishly and repeatedly drove while soused, until someone else paid a deep price for it. I have only a little sympathy for the dumbass who killed himself while doing the same. The tomfool risked innocent lives when he could have simply dropped $25 on a cab ride, or called a buddy on a fucking cell phone.

And you? You're 64 years old, and you're emotionally distressed? You gonna sue all of Wrigely Field the next time your guys play the Cubs? Grow a fucking pair. Your boy Jose Canseco probably has a pill for that, if you ask real nice like. You've earned far worse than a little Internet mockery for being such an ass as to drive drunk. Be grateful that you're even alive and that you didn't maim or kill somebody's kids while you were sleeping it off behind the wheel of your 4000 pound guided missile, fucknuts. Be further grateful that you were given a fucking misdemeanor charge instead of getting tossed in jail, and fired from your job. Damaged reputation? Are you gonna sue yourself, jackass? Because you're the one who did that yourself by being an utter fucking tool. Have some fucking accountability for your own stupid shit and don't start scolding others for your failings.

punishyourma said...

NF -- you know what's so stupid about that lawsuit? All he had to do was contact Twitter and tell them he wanted it taken down. They'll do that for any public figure that wants it done. That's it. He could have done it quietly and without fanfare. But he didn't. Instead, like the dumbass that he is, he made a huge deal about it and millions of people that never would have even known there was a fake fucking Tony LaRussa Twitter account now do. All he's done is highlight his own moronic, dangerous mistakes and made them that much more widely known. What a fucking douchebag drinking git face.

Charlie said...

Audits can FTFO. IRS since October 2008 and now Texas sales tax. It's difficult enough to do the work the first time around. To have to explain it in mind numbing detail to someone who knows very little about the business...well...fuck me runnin'...it just sucks ass! And I still have to do all my regular work, too...so it can be audited at some future date! Big FO to me for leaving a dream job as a bartender at a beach cafe to pursue an accounting career. I clearly have shit for brains!

Happy weekend, all!

The Fifth String said...

Lisa, so sorry to hear about your doggie!

JeffS said...

Oh, yeah.....bueaucrats that issue last minute demands for awards that cover all of 2008 in June 2009 can fuck off with a flaming rubber stamp that says "FUCK OFF YOU WORTHLESS NUMBNUT!!!!!"

Dipped in cheese, of course.

Joel said...

CCFOAD. As always.

Kate P said...

CCFOAD. For Lisa's doggie, and for Maggie May's friend.

Also, entitled "stage parents" can fuck off with a sugar-coated copy of their precious starlets' saccharine play script. Honestly, you'd think they were staging "Annie" on Broadway in the library's basement this afternoon. My teens' meeting got bumped for that shit? At the last minute, and just to try to recruit these kids into the children's program. Please.

I am so fucking sick of the politics. I am not a library whore!

Heroditus Huxley said...

Politics are everywhere, Kate P. And all politics and petty power hungry twatwaffles that play office, local, state, national, and/or international politics can fuck the fuck off, with their own egos shoved up their asses, sideways, dripping with rancid habanero cheese. Rammed in by a 350 lb drag queen that needs a shave.

KG said...

working until 830 on a Friday night can fuck the hell off.

Other than that, I don't have much. I am tempted to offer a fuck off to a commenter on my new blog (ahem) who felt it necessary to tell me to stfu because I criticized Sarah Palin. Didn't counter any of my points, just told me to shut up because I obviously had no political knowledge or education. Fucktard. I'm wondering if responding to his comment with one of my own telling him to piss off is appropriate?