This seems so trivial, considering people come here to complain about cancer and sick babies, but that horizontal album cover scroll thing that my iPod switches to can fuck off. It's fucking useless, outside of the novel, one-time pleasure you get at having a gadget that can do something like that. I fucking hate it.
Feel free to tell me to fuck off for fucking off something so minor, but I have nothing otherwise this week. If your complaints are worse, now's the time to let them fly.
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I won't tell you to FO because mine is also comparatively minor:
Ants.
Ants can fuck the fucking fuckity fuck fucking off with a flaming can of drano.
They have invaded my house. They are fucking EVERYWHERE. Except, the places you'd expect them to be: the kitchen trash can, the box of cereal I didn't quite get closed up yesterday morning, the spilled sugar on the countertop.
Apparently the little jerks are touring my house just to mess with my head.
They can all, every one of them (ESPECIALLY the ones covering my bathroom floor, meaning I can't walk in there barefoot any more) die a horrible death. Ugh.
Cynicism can fuck off. Just for today since I know I'll be back with it soon -- these breakups never last long -- but today it's just too tiresome. Just today, I want to revel in other people's joys and look for things that are praiseworthy and awesome.
I hear you, Ricki. They really like baby spit up, so they really like my carpet and my favorite chairs.
End of school year burn out can also fuck off. Especially when you consider how hectic this year has been, what with the baby coming early, being hospitalized, and having acid reflux to deal with after he came home.
And my husband and I can fuck off for putting off babyproofing until it's almost too late. He's rolling. And starting to creep across the floor. We really need to get that babyproofing done. And the square coffee table replaced with an oval one without corners.
Fuck off to broken A/Cs on near-record-high days and to repairmen that won't return a page (a PAGE!?!, what is this, 1985?). I am almost posi-fucking-tively certain that I just need some coolant. Call me back, dude.
HH - my sister got some sort of giant pad that wrapped around her square table that made the edges cushy. Can you find one of those instead of having to buy a whole new table?
In a pinch, I think "pool noodles" could be cut and wrapped around the table edges to make it safer. It doesn't look cool, but if it protects the kid, that's what's important.
Writer's block can fuck the fuck off with a... uhm.... fucking-off thing.
The NFL draft can fuck off. Look, I get both sports fandom and obsessive compulsion, but this should be a blip on the map, little more than a note of interest during football's offseason, not something that means 30 minutes of SportCenter and 87 stories on every major sport website should be taken up covering it. And can I just say God Bless America? Only in America can someone as obnoxious and incompetent as Mel Kiper, Jr. is in his job not only keep his job, but be the foremost voice in this whole draft onslaught...
Mel Kiper's Frankenstein hair can fuck off, too.
And so can my local Comcast, for not having any more sports on the basic package than ESPN 1 & 2....
But more to the point...it's not like we don't have the baseball season underway, and both the NBA and NHL running through their playoffs. Let's move on to something that's actually fun to watch....
Tommy,
I gave up on ESPN years ago, especially since they seem to have this outright contempt for hockey. Fuck you, ESPN. I haven't been watching, but the draft coverage complaint is something I've seen in a lot of places. Dumbasses.
And everybody that's calling poker a sport these days can fuck off. IT IS NOT A SPORT. I understand it may take a certain level of skill or whatever, but sports involve PHYSICAL skills beyond shuffling cards. Fuck you, pokerstars.net. Gamblers are not SUPERSTARS. They're good at playing cards. Nothing more.
the douchebag in the white house can fuck off for not recognizing the Armenian genocide and making nice with turkey. Fuckhole.
captcha: wedne Almost Wednesday?
Emily...for a while my dad was totally hooked on watching poker on tv. My mom was like, "Why? It's even more slow moving than golf."
I don't quite get the appeal of watching poker on tv. Maybe it's fun to play, I don't know, but watching a bunch of guys sitting around trying NOT to react to their hands does not make for compelling tv for me.
And yeah, I'm not quite sure how they manage to call it a "sport." By that token, all the cooking shows should be sport because the chefs move around more than the average poker player.
Golf is one of those things I never understood the appeal of watching as well. But poker? Even more so. Taking the rationale further, Ricki -- if poker's a sport, than a bunch of old ladies sitting in a nursing home playing gin rummy are athletes.
my dad also loves watching poker on tv. He says it's "interesting"
I don't see how it could be, but to each their own, I guess. I used to think watching fishing was stupid, but then I dated an avid fisherman and he said those shows are useful for giving you tips about what kinds of bait and equipment to use. I guess that's no different than watching cooking shows for tips and ideas.
I need to add to my FO. Fuck off to shit breaking, built-in obsolescence fucking crap! I’m already dealing with a fucking leak somewhere in one of my upstairs bathrooms and now I have to replace my entire fucking HVAC unit. The ONLY upside to any of this is that I am at least keeping someone employed.
*ahem*
as a former/current (semi-)pro poker player, I need to weigh in on this poker discussion.
First, you are correct, it is not a sport. Though it is a competition that does require a unique skill set.
Second, as much as I normally despise the World According to ESPN (tm), I am grateful that they helped make poker big.
As for watching it on TV, there are some things you can learn, but not a lot (because they only show selected hands, and not every single play). It is interesting though, in the same way that a fishing show might be interesting for a fisherman (I wouldn't know, I hate fishing).
I will also second nightfly's fuck off. Writer's block seems to be the bane of my existence recently.
As for my own fuck off... lethargic-ness can fuck off and die a slow painful death.
This week can fuck off.
KG, my daughter loves watching the World Series of Poker. And speaking of which...
I missed much of the segment, but Richard Lederer (Annie Duke's father) was on the radio this morning, had some story about Joan Rivers comparing Annie Duke to Hitler (then apologizing for being unfair to Hitler).
WTF?
It had something to do with a game show about poker.
I can't even use words without getting myself in trouble. But know that I have a FO, and it can FO.
At least it's over. Maybe.
Hey, Emily, random FO's to technology are inevitable and always appropriate IMHO.
The heating valve problem going on underneath my apartment that went from a banging noise (that nobody else believed existed) to a persistent sloshing noise between the hours of 12 and 2 a.m. can fuck off, preferably under management's own freaking bedroom, repeatedly, for infinity. I couldn't sleep before, but I got a break when the weather got warm (like now). The sloshing doesn't seem to care about the temp, so being exhausted for no good reason can fuck off, too.
Ken, I hadn't heard of it, mainly because I don't watch celebrity [spit] apprentice [spit] or any other [spit] reality [spit] television. But here's Annie Duke's response on her blog. I kind of love the fact that she invokes Goodwin's Law.
So, 94 fucking years later and the O is no closer to admitting that the Armenian Genocide (THE "G" WORD! OMG!!!) happened than he is to admitting he's really a socialist. I am more Armenian than he is African and my family FLED Turkey in 1910, leaving a hole in my genetic profile. The world spews Marxism and anti-Islamic commentary while Islam gets closer to nukes. Fucking lovely. What next? George Soros will fund the Revelations movie starring Sean Penn as Satan, Nancy Pelosi as the whore riding the fucking beast (guess who plays the beast?), and Barney Frank will play himself. Meanwhile, they will blame it all on Fox News, have a freaking mob dance scene reminiscent of Slum Dog Nights meets "The P Word Girls" with "ethnic" looking people with iphones in Grand Central, and end with an Earl Gray with lemon on YouTube discussing peacefully how they will now don suicide bomber jackets and die for 1000 virgins rather than wear a tie and work for a living. Right... we westerners are simply fuckheads in ties who think that it's a good thing to live in a capitalistic democracy. Holy CRAP!!!! Thanks for letting me vent. ;>
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