Friday, March 27, 2009
No, In Fact, I Don't Have the Slightest Idea Who You Are
Anyone who has ever pulled a "don't you know who I am?" routine or any variety thereof, whereby they proclaim their special-ness over others can fuck off. You don't get to cut in line just because you're the star of a reality TV show I've never even fucking heard of, jackass.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
21 comments:
Senior staffers from corporate HQ who consider them geniuses, and lecture people on a subject in which their knowledge is much less than complete can fuck off with a flaming slide ruler. Especially when they spent the entire day sitting in a meeting where their body language says "What the fuck am I doing here?"
But there was a wonderful and ironic ending to this FO episode -- after the dweeb finished his condescending lecture, where he chastised everyone for calling a particular structure "X" instead of the correct term "Y", I had the pleasure of pointing out to him, "Well, yes, you're right, but the thing is, they've been called 'X' since they were built.....back in the 1950's. I don't think we'll be able to change to 'Y'." And everyone else chimed in with their agreement.
I maybe be on this idiot's shit list for life, but I'm cool with that. The expression on his face was priceless.
Jeff - hahahaha. I'm getting a very rewarding mental image of the look on that guy's face when this happened.
Glad to make your day, Emily! Or at least your morning. :-p
Ironically, your title post resonated with my experience, which is why I posted it. What a great FFOT theme!!!!
Jeff,
I actually had a woman march up in front of me in line at a coffee shop without even so much as an "excuse me." When I said something to her, she gave me some routine about being famous because she was the host of some cable reality show. So what, dumbass? I don't care if you're fucking Madonna. Get in line like everybody else.
If you need to point out to other people that you're famous, it means YOU AREN'T THAT FUCKING FAMOUS.
Nobody's ever pulled that on me, thus denying me the chance to ever use my own preferred riposte:
"Yes, I do know who you are. You are the jackass cutting in front of everyone else on line and making a fool of yourself."
I had gathered something like that happened, Emily. Your pompous, self-centered jackass is certainly a bigger asshat than my pompous, self-centered jackass!
And they can fuck off with each other while wrapped in coaxial cable coated in tar.
I like what Barry Manilow's limo driver told him when the driver failed to get Barry into a popular restaurant. Barry said "Did you tell them who I am?"
The limo driver responded, "If you have to tell them who you are, you ain't nobody."
I can fuck off for procrastinating one thing on my list of things to do while the baby was asleep--and managing to pick the one thing that would throw me behind on everything. And I can also fuck off for choosing to procrastinate that thing during the last nap of the day on the day before he refused to nap at all.
And ants. Ants can definitely fuck off. They can fuck off for absolutely loving baby spit up, infesting the nursery, and especially my favorite chair to feed the baby in.
HH - nightmare ant story. When I was living in rainy northern California, I worked in a restaurant that had a pretty bad problem with the buggers getting in to try and get out of the rain. One morning when I had to open the place, I came in and the guy who had closed the night before had left out the cookie container (we were always careful to put it in the fridge at night). Of course, ants just *love* sugar, so the entire wall, counter and the container itself were positively BLACK covered in the things. It was fucking disgusting! I posted a note after that saying anyone who ever did that again was going to have their ass woken up and dragged in to clean it up themselves.
I can fuck off for taking even 90 seconds to read my horoscope every day.
That's not that bad, Susanna. I read it every now and then for amusement. I love the way they're written in such general terms that you could apply the suppossedly forseen future to almost any situation. Horoscope says your wealth will increase? Find a penny on the ground later in the day? My HOROSCOPE CAME TRUE!
None of that is as bad as my less-than-intelligent Aunt, who, after being fired from her job and down to her last pennies in savings, decided to call one of those three dollar a minute psychics to find out what her future held. She seriously believes all that astrology shit.
No doubt someone in a photo wearing a kente cloth or festive head gear and mystical crystals. In South Jersey.
Woot!
Ha! My absolute favorite, though, is a radio commercial making the rounds right now for California Psychics that says something like "in these trying economic times, why waste your money on things you don't need, like expensive coffee, when you can spend it on something useful, like calling us."
Yes, I think I'd rather buy SmartWater.
Gum? Fucking GUM?
Your boss can fuck off.
WV: dermanto. The debilitating mental illness possesed by bosses who give their employees fucking GUM as a reward.
Oh, gah, did a lot of people make my shitlist today.
I had to drive about an hour and a half away for an event I take part in every year that is "outreach" for my department. It's fun and worthwhile and I like doing it.
BUT there are about 10 million lobotomized idiots who drive the roads between here and there. And every single one of them can fuck off slowly, for doing things that were UNSAFE and ANNOYING:
1. People driving at o-dark-30 when you can't see 1/8 mile in front of you - BUT DON'T BOTHER TO TURN ON THEIR FECKING HEADLIGHTS BECAUSE IT'S "NOT NIGHT ANY MORE" They can fuck off into a ditch.
2. People who don't put on their headlights in the middle of a blinding rainstorm. Look, chucklehead, you may be able to see ME because I have my LIGHTS on. I can't see YOU because you don't have YOURS on. My not being able to see you matters as much as your being able to see me. Even to you it should, because if I were to plow into you, I'd kill you just as dead as you would be if you plowed into me when you couldn't see me.
3. Asswipes who tailgate during driving rainstorms. Yes, yes, impatient idiot, I KNOW the speed limit is 65. But I cannot see more than 10 feet in front of my car. (And my tires are kinda bald - I guess I can kind of FO for that and I need to get a new set). I AM GOING 45 SO I DON'T HYDROPLANE, GO OFF THE ROAD, AND DIE! FTFO! I won't go any faster because you are riding my ass!
4. People who pass on a two-lane when there's not enough safe distance to pass, or where there's really not safe visibility. giving oncoming drivers near heart-attacks when they see a car looming up head-on to them, can FTFO with a tire iron.
Dammit, I can't believe I got home in one piece.
(captcha word: undie.
No, I am not making that up.)
Ricki, that was a thing of beauty. "Fuck off into a ditch" - most excellent.
I second it for all the idiots I have to share the road with, including the dickbot going 25 in a 50MPH zone on a straight, dry, highway, in the freakin' sticks, on a sunny, dry day with traffic stacking up behind him.
And second to all the others, ESPECIALLY the damned ants.
Okay, here's my intended one. Fuck off to computer and server problems. A server at work yesterday decided to wink out, cascading through several other servers and bringing much of the work to a standstill. Well, not exactly a standstill but at least a painful crawl.
Finally got the servers back up and running. Not that I would notice because my computer picked yesterday in the midst of the mess to decide to die terminally and with extreme prejudice. Got a loaner laptop from IT but spent much of the day getting it configured to my needs. And that's just a frickin' loaner, I'll have to properly configure my permanent one assuming the PO gets approved.
And my WV is for the cretins on the road:
WV: trizes - I trizes to be patient with idiots, but they drivezes me up the wall, precious.
First of all, Wal-Mart tire and lube center can effoff on a weekly basis. They ALWAYS get it wrong. They charge for services they don't provide, and they cheat you on the oil.
Next, a hearty effoff to a certain company that shall remain nameless, who requires that my husband work for free every bloody Sunday with a pay cut. Thanks to them, he has a second job on Saturdays, so he never, ever, ever, ever gets a day off. Ever. But the owner has the biggest yacht in the world, and that's all that really matters, right? Even if he has to cut employee pay in order to make the payments. I hope his yacht sinks the month he forgets to make the insurance payment.
Emily, saying, "I don't care if you're fucking Madonna" can be taken a couple different ways. . . heh heh heh.
Nepotism/Crony-ism can fuck off. I can NOT believe the intimidation that goes on, in a fucking _library_ of all places.
The benefits company for my old work can fuck off for (1) not billing me for my COBRA'd dental after I'd paid through January, (2) deciding to terminate said dental for alleged non-payment, and (3) not telling me I owed or warning me my benefits were going to be terminated, and (3) taking their sweet time to let me know they terminated them as of JANUARY 31.
I went to the dentist in the first week of February and the insurance paid her, so I don't know WTF they think they're doing. Jackasses. I can't wait to call them on Monday to tell them they're completely out of line.
Parasitic soi-disant "adults" who think because they've graduated high school they can sit on their fucking asses and suck up resources can fuck off with the poopy mess their baby sister made when they didn't fucking check on her for hours on end. And twice over for coming and telling me about the mess so I could fucking clean it up. Chisel your sorry ass out of the fucking chair and do something to earn your fucking keep. I don't care if you have the most impressive collection on whatever fucking social-artsy-geek website is your current fucking obsession. There are real people laboring to feed your fucking face; the least you can do is expend a little oxygen and do a pittance. Or go pay your own fucking bills.
My roommate's kidneys can FO for keeping her in so much pain. Stupid kidneys.
Post a Comment